


Keep Stepping Forward

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Blowjobs, M/M, Mild Comeplay, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Rimming, and a lot of talk about feelings, as need to happen when one's family lives in a despot hellhole, brief discussions of domestic violence, brief discussions of governmnet progroms, but not catholic-catholic, face fucking, rafael barba's managerial-decision exit was terrible and they should feel bad, referenced Munch/Fin, sad sex, sonny's catholic, sonnyXrollins brotp, squad cameos, then happy sex, this is all toni's fault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-23 08:24:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: After the events of Barba's trial, Sonny does his best to support Rafael as he figures out what's next.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PhillyStrega](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhillyStrega/gifts).



“What are you going to do now?” Sonny asks him that night at home, the trial finally over and Rafael officially dismissed. They’re in bed, Rafael with his head on Sonny’s chest while Sonny trails fingers down his back and presses kisses into his hair every few minutes.

“I don’t know,” Rafael says. “Ask you to tell me again that you still love me?”

Sonny wraps both arms around Rafael and noses into his hair. "I still love you. I'm always going to love you. That is never a question I won't answer with a yes."

"A baby is dead because of me." 

"A baby was brain-dead when you got there," Sonny says. "What you did was against the law because you didn't have proper authority, but it wasn't murder."

"That's what I said on the stand."

"I wish you would have let me be there."

"I didn't want you to see me say it."

Sonny breathes out hard into Rafael's hair. "But I agree with you." He hears the frustration in his voice but doesn't apologize for it. They can only get through this by getting through it honestly. 

"I was afraid," Rafael says. 

"I know," Sonny replies, and there's no frustration this time. He understands fear, how it can make you pull away and hide. He shifts and slides down so he and Rafael are nose-to-nose. "I love you. I respect you. Whatever you do next, I believe in you."

Rafael wraps an arm around Sonny and presses his face into Sonny's neck. "Thank you."

*

Sonny goes to work the next day and isn't surprised when Liv calls him into her office. "He's as good as he can be," Sonny says before Liv can ask.

Liv looks exasperated. "Okay, so I was transparent in my concern. But I am also worried about you."

Sonny shrugs. "I'm fine," he says. "It's going to be an adjustment while Rafael finds out what he's doing next, but financially, we're secure. Emotionally, it'll work its way through the grinder like everything does." 

"What about morally?" Liv asks, her eyes flicking to Sonny's chest. 

Sonny taps his fingers over the rosary he keeps in his inside suit pocket. "I'm as comfortable having this here as I ever was," he says. "And I'm as happy being with Rafael as I was yesterday. I know I'm Catholic, Lieu, but I like to think I've proved I'm not a Bingo Card Catholic."

Liv tilts her head. "Bingo Card Catholic?"

"B-abortions-are-evil, N-gays-are-hellbound, O--"

"I get it," Liv says, raising her hands in defeat. "I'm sorry. You're right. You're a good Catholic, but you're also a _good_ Catholic."

Sonny can't help his grin. "Thanks, Lieu." 

"You're welcome. Before you go," she says as Sonny turns to leave. "I happened to stumble onto your banked vacation time this morning."

"Just by accident, huh?"

Liv shrugs, making a show of pretending like it was an accident. "There's a lot of time there. I wouldn't want you to lose it."

Sonny grins. "I'll keep that in mind."

*

Sonny pitches the vague idea of a vacation to Rafael while they're eating dinner that night. 

Rafael leans back and thinks about it. "Where to?" he asks.

"I have no idea," Sonny replies, "and you always tell me logistics are your job if we're going anywhere, so you pick. I want good food, good booze, and no one able to call me easily."

Rafael smiles. It's tired on the edges, but it's real. "I think I can manage. Your passport current?"

"Yup."

"I'll think about it." 

*

When Sonny comes home the next night, it's clear Rafael has done more than think about it. He greets Sonny with a real grin--the first one Sonny's seen in weeks--and a bottle of very nice champagne. 

"Let's go to Cuba," Rafael says. "I know it's still a despot hellhole, but I have family there, and it's warm." 

Sonny blinks back tears, the genuine happiness on Rafael's face bringing him a hard wash of relief. "Cuba sounds great. Do they make SPF 400?"

"I already ordered you linen sunscreen shirts and pants. We'll buy you a hat when we land. Nothing made here holds up to the sun down there for shit."

Sonny laughs and pulls Rafael in for a kiss. "I can't wait. When do you want to leave? How long do you want to stay?"

"Two weeks down there. How long do you need for Liv's okay on your paperwork?"

"Honestly, she'll sign off for same-day, probably."

"I'll look at flights after dinner."

Sonny beams and kisses Rafael, stealing the champagne bottle as he does so. "Grab the flutes," he says as he twists the cork. It pops out and hits the ceiling. Sonny pours them each a glass, and looks up at the mark where the cork hit. "That there," he says to Rafael, pulling him close, "that's the first mark of your new start."

Rafael looks up at him, tears in his eyes. "Sonny," he murmurs. He presses his face to Sonny's shoulder, and Sonny feels the tears drop. "Thank you," Rafael whispers. 

"To you," Sonny says, holding up his flute. "And us. And whatever happens next."

Rafael doesn't reply, just taps his glass to Sonny's and drinks along with him.

*

"First class?" Sonny asks as they settle side-by-side on the couch after dinner. Rafael's got his laptop on his legs. Sonny passes him a mug of tea with honey and lemon and settles next to him with one of his own. 

Rafael nods as he reads down the page of flight options. "My family is mostly around Holguin. It's six hours to fly if we can get a nonstop."

"I've been folded into plenty of Coach seats."

Rafael looks at him, and the bright edge of his grief flashes sharp in his eyes. "Let me do this," he says quietly.

Sonny pushes Rafael's hair off his forehead and rubs his thumb along the stubble getting thick on his cheeks. "Okay," he says rather than remind Rafael that he loves him, that he believes in him, that there's nothing to apologize for. "Spoil me." 

Rafael smiles, the grief still in his eyes. He turns back to the screen and lifts his arm when Sonny curls in and down so he can rest against Rafael's shoulder. "I love you," Rafael says quietly. 

"I love you, too," Sonny replies, so glad to simply hear Rafael say it. 

*

"Three weeks?" Liv asks, reviewing the form.

"Yeah. Two in Cuba, a half week on one side to pack and the other to recover," Sonny says. "I figure I'm gonna be about as roasted as a turkey dinner by the time I get out of the sun down there."

Liv grins. "We'll all still be jealous you got to be someplace warm." She signs her name to the form and nods. "I'll walk it over to HR myself, make sure it gets filed immediately." She stands and reaches out, squeezing Sonny's arm. "Remember to take care of yourself okay? Rafael's got to carry some of this weight on his own."

Sonny knows Rafael hasn't called or spoken to Liv since he told her goodbye on the courthouse steps. He knows Liv has texted and called a few times. "He's doing okay," Sonny tells her. "Really. I think he just doesn't know how to talk to a lot of people right now."

"We're the cops, and he was our DA. Even if we're more than that to each other, that's still where it started."

Sonny's heart aches. "Can I hug you, Lieu?"

Liv gives a small laugh and lets Sonny wrap her in a tight hug. "Thanks," she says after a moment. 

"We gotta have each other's backs," Sonny says as he pulls back. "How much rum am I smuggling back for you?"

"It'd probably be smarter to just bring us a crate each rather than estimate. Get a good bulk deal."

Sonny laughs and holds the door for her as they leave her office. 

"How many more days do I get to bug you before vacation?" Rollins asks. 

"Four," Sonny says. "Give or take whenever we go shopping. Apparently, I need sandals."

Rollins looks faux-shocked. "Oh, god, are you gonna flash your weird toes all over Cuba?"

"Keep that up, I'm not bringing you any tacky souvenirs."

Rollins laughs and waves away his threat. "Please. You'll bring something for Jesse no matter what I do. I'm covered."

Sonny grins and turns towards Fin. "Bring you anything, Sarge?"

"I need a tacky ass fake parrot that talks when you walk by."

Sonny and Rollins share a look. "You and Munch back on your prank war?" Sonny asks.

Fin rolls his eyes. "Finally talked him into a Google Home after explaining it's not gonna go sentient in the middle of the night and murder him. He got on YouTube last week and figured out how to hook the thing up to a ventriloquist dummy. He's named it Murder Mack."

"Please tell me you have video," Rollins says, hopping up from her chair. 

"Send it to me, will you?" Sonny asks. "Rafael will want to see it."

"Of course," Fin says. "How is he?"

"He's all right," Sonny replies. "Thanks for asking."

"Don't give me that look," Rollins says to Fin. "I texted him about it yesterday."

"She did," Sonny says. "Gold stars for everyone."

*

Sonny shows Rafael the Murder Mack video. Rafael threatens to throw his phone out the window if he ever shows it to him again. Sonny laughs and flicks away from the video. "Come on, it's pretty great."

"I should call Munch," Rafael says, more to himself than Sonny. "We haven't talked in awhile."

Sonny gets up from the couch to get another beer and to stop himself from reminding Rafael who he also hasn't talked to in days. Rafael needs to work it out on his own, and Munch is a good place to start. "Bet you two can get lunch or dinner before we leave. Fin wants us to get a fake talking parrot as revenge for Murder Mack. Might find out what the counteroffer is."

Rafael smiles. "Maybe." He looks briefly at his phone, then sets it on the side table. "I need to see _Mami_ before we leave. Make sure there's no family news I'm not supposed to bring up."

Sonny comes back to the couch with his beer and sits close. "Want me to come? It won't stop her from saying anything, but I'm pretty cute."

Rafael looks at his phone again. "I think that's a good idea."

"Tell me when and where," Sonny replies. 

"If you weren't always so accommodating, I'd worry about how open you've been about everything," Rafael says, still looking at his phone. 

Sonny twists the cap off his beer and takes a long drink. He puts his beer on his knee and looks at Rafel, who is scrolling through his phone and looking at nothing. "I have no reason to stop being kind to you, Rafael. I have no reason to stop loving you. I will help you through this any way you'll let me."

Rafael stops scrolling. He puts his phone aside and turns to Sonny. "I'm not trying to wallow."

"I know that," Sonny says. He places his beer on the coffee table and slides over so he can pull Rafael to him. "But you can't let your guilt eat through you, okay? You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for retribution for your actions."

Rafael sags against him and knots his hands in Sonny's T-shirt. "I'm trying to believe that." 

"Okay." Sonny feels Rafael crying. He rubs his hands up and down Rafael's back and cries quietly with him. He knows he has his own grief to deal with, so he lets some of it loose as he and Rafael hold each other up. 

*

Lucia glares at Sonny when he walks in with Rafael on the first day of his vacation. "I'm not disappointed to see you," she says. 

Sonny gives her a quick grin. "Yeah, I get it." He does. Rafael had also refused to let Lucia see the trial, and honestly, she deserves the chance to rip Rafael a new one in a one-on-one situation, but Rafael wants Sonny at his back today, and Sonny refuses to be anywhere else. 

"Rafi," Lucia says, cupping his hands in her face. She looks at him, her expression softening into concern and exhaustion. "Oh, _conejito_." She pulls him into a hug. 

She says something in Spanish, but too quietly for Sonny to hear it. He's fairly fluent after so many years with Rafael, but he's glad he doesn't hear. Whatever Lucia is saying, it's for her to say and Rafael to hear. Sonny walks around them both to take off his coat and other outerwear, and then he walks into the kitchen and pours coffee for all of them. He sets the cups on the table and sits, letting the two of them have as much time as they need. 

They sit down a few minutes later. Rafael's eyes are red-rimmed, but he looks lighter. Sonny reaches across the table, and Rafael takes his hand. 

"I'm still very proud of him," Lucia says to Sonny. "You remind him for me."

"I will," Sonny promises. 

"And you remind him he can still be a judge--"

"Not any time soon," Rafael cuts in.

"Quiet," Lucia says. She looks at Sonny. "What do you say to him?"

"That it was illegal, but it wasn't morally wrong."

"I agree," Lucia says. She taps Rafael's arm before he can respond. "You carry too much guilt, _conejito_ , and I haven't always been good at stopping you. But this? I'm stopping you. That poor child was gone. Your _Abuelita_ didn't drop dead because you wanted her safe, and your father didn't feel anything, no matter how long that machine breathed for him. You are a good man. I would have preferred you not leave your job in such a fantastic fashion, but it's done. Wherever you go next, be happy."

Rafael presses his free hand to his face and breathes shakily. Sonny squeezes his hand. "Rafael's been running me down some of the family tree," Sonny says to Lucia, "but he can't remember who fights with whom about what."

Lucia gives Sonny a warm, knowing smile and stands from her chair. "Let me make some sandwiches. It gets complicated."

Sonny watches Rafael while Lucia puts together the snack. Rafael keeps his hand over his eyes, his breath shuddering every few seconds. Sonny doesn't see tears on his face. He squeezes Rafael's hand again, and this time Rafael squeezes back.

*

The next morning, Sonny gets up and makes them a big breakfast. He sets the coffee dripping and puts together vegetable omelettes, making bacon in a second pan. 

"Smells good," Rafael says, walking into the main room of the apartment that holds the kitchen, dining area, and living room. 

"Good to hear," Sonny says. He pours Rafael a cup of coffee and sneaks a kiss when he hands it over. He rubs his thumb on Rafael's more-beard-than-stubble. "You gonna commit to the beard?" 

Rafael rubs a palm against his cheek. "I thought I'd keep it going until after the vacation. See how I feel about it after."

"Well, no complaints here. Buy me some tiny swim shorts, and I'll be the boytoy to your sugar daddy."

Rafael groans, which makes Sonny laugh. Rafael sits at the kitchen island and lets Sonny load up a plate with breakfast. "I am not that old," Rafael grumbles into a forkful of omelette. 

"No," Sonny says, "but you're that handsome." He grins as he sips his coffee and considers the list of stores they're going to today. "We've got to stop by the outdoor store to get me the sandals you say I need for the heat, lets check trunks. Even if I don't wear 'em on the beach, I can definitely wear them at the hotel." 

Rafael's eyes flash hot with the thought. They haven't had sex since halfway through the trial. Rafael lets Sonny kiss him and hug him and hold him, but he's made no attempts to initiate anything more. The few times Sonny has, Rafael has quietly turned him down. 

The flash in Rafael's eyes is the first show of sensuality Sonny's seen from Rafael in weeks. He meets it with a sly grin, sending a quick thanks upwards for its existence. He'll take that ember and fan it into a flame, no question. 

They finish breakfast and split a shower. Sonny presses open-mouthed kisses to Rafael's shoulders but doesn't press for more. Rafael runs a hand up his back while Sonny brushes his teeth. They get dressed together, and Sonny takes Rafael's hand as they walk down the hall to the elevator. 

"Vacation," Sonny breathes out, beaming. "We're getting beer at lunch. I'm relishing this." 

"I won't stop you," Rafael says. "But I pick where we eat." 

"Sure," Sonny replies, feeling easy and loose as they get on the elevator, and he presses the button for the lobby. "I trust you." 

They take a car to the outdoor store, and Sonny lets Rafael lead the way. He stays silent while Rafael looks over the selection of sandals, though he sneaks a photo to send to Rollins.

 **Sonny:** Beard review?

 **Amanda:** If you don't shove him between your thighs, I'm gonna. 

**Sonny:** Sounds like a dare.

 **Amanda:** That was excellent advice from a stubble/beard slut.

Sonny laughs and shakes his head when Rafael looks over.

"Are you perving on something with Rollins?"

"My very handsome boyfriend is growing a beard. I wanted to check her thoughts."

Rafael shakes his head and turns back to the shelves of sandals. "I won't pretend like I can stop you."

Sonny grins and sends Rollins a second picture. 

**Sonny:** I'm gonna suck his dick so dry, only experiencing the humidity in Cuba will revive him.

 **Amanda:** If your jaw gives out, tag me in. 

"Get that leer off your face and come over here," Rafael says, giving Sonny a very knowing look. 

"Amanda was offering to do me a favor," Sonny says, certain his face is his most guileless altar boy innocent when he meets Rafael's eyes. 

Rafael snorts a laugh. "Don't even try."

Sonny laughs in return, his perfect innocent look dropping. "Fine. Where do you need me?"

Rafael points to a stool, and Sonny sits. He takes the sandals Rafael hands him and tries them on, walking up and down the aisle and telling Rafael how they feel. 

"I don't like the big toe g-string," Sonny says, holding out his foot and making a face at the strip of leather that separates his big toe from his other toes.

Rafael looks amused. "That's not what that's called," he says. "But noted."

Sonny hands him the sandal he doesn't like and takes the new sandal Rafael is offering. "You haven't explained the whole deal on these," he says, waving the new sandal before undoing the ankle strap. 

"It won't be ridiculously hot in Cuba, but it'll be warm enough compared to here that you'll want a sandal. We're going to walk a lot, so you want one with actual arch support."

"Okay," Sonny says, putting on the new sandal. It covers most of his foot, with the individual straps only opening on the sides for ventilation. The ankle buckle is a plastic click-type with a small, fabric adjustable strap. Sonny walks up and down the aisle and stops in front of Rafael. "They feel good."

"You need to wear them around the next couple of days," Rafael says. "You'll want them broken in."

"I'll cook in them," Sonny replies. "Promise not to laugh at my socks and sandals combo."

"As long as the socks are white," Rafael says.

Sonny kisses him because something's changed since yesterday. Rafael is lit up and excited in a way he hasn't been since before the trial. Sonny wants to taste it and lets the kiss slip into the safe side of lewd, licking into Rafael's mouth for a moment before pulling away.

"I worry about your feelings on white socks," Rafael says. 

Sonny laughs and pulls him into a hug. Rafael returns it. 

*

"We'll take two taster boards and we'll both take the pub burger," Rafael says to the server before Sonny can say anything. 

"Sure!" The server says and walks off. 

"You said you were choosing the place, not my lunch," Sonny answers. 

Rafael rolls his eyes, playful and sharp. "You'll thank me."

"For a burger? In New York?"

Rafael laughs. "I met Munch for dinner last night," he says.

"I remember." Sonny says. Rafael had come home quiet and contemplative but not unhappy. He'd told Sonny it went well, and then they'd watched a movie, curled up together on the couch. 

"And I decided we are buying the most obnoxious fake parrot we can find because Munch got the Google Home horror dummy to add "in your grave" to all weather requests, and we need to destroy him."

Sonny laughs. "What?!"

Rafael looks long-suffering. "Apparently, Fin asks Murder Mack the weather every morning, and now that he's not creeped by the existence of a self-speaking ventriloquist dummy, Munch felt he had to reset the level of creepiness.

"It is thirty-two degrees with chance of snow," Sonny says in his best robo-voice. "Winds are 10 M-P-H from the southeast. In your grave."

Rafael winces. "You are scarily accurate."

"I try, but I don't understand how that means I thank you for ordering for me."

"I'm ordering you a very good burger so you don't have to think about food as we both Google tacky parrots in Cuba on our phones. If I ever do that shit when I'm retired, I am legally allowing you to drop me in a dumpster and run."

It's the first time Rafael's mentioned his career since the end of his trail. Sonny beams and pulls his phone from his pocket. "Challenge fucking accepted," he says. 

*

They eat, they Google. They laugh. When they leave the restaurant, Rafael is a taster tray and three full beers in. He holds Sonny close and presses kisses to his neck. 

"Hi," Sonny says as they stand on the corner and wait for their Lyft.

"Hi," Rafael replies. He nuzzles into Sonny's neck, then pulls away and tips his head up. Sonny meets him for the kiss. Rafael nips at Sonny's bottom lip and pulls him into a full hug. 

"How you doing?" Sonny asks after a few seconds. Rafael will hold hands. He'll kiss. He'll hug, but a lazy kiss and full-body hug in public is a lot from him. 

"I love you so much," Rafael murmurs into Sonny's neck. 

"Glad to hear it," Sonny replies, running his fingers through Rafael's hair.

The car arrives, and Sonny gets them both inside. Rafael is warm and pliable against him on the way home. Sonny keeps him close and relishes the contact. Rafael is starting to sober up as they pull up to their building and easily follows Sonny inside. There's a stack of packages in front of their door--the spoils of their morning shopping, and Sonny piles them into his arms as Rafael opens the door. 

Sonny dumps the packages on the dining table and turns to ask Rafael want he wants to do next. Rafael is watching him, eyes hot. He bites his lip and steps forward, pulling Sonny by the hips and dragging him just into the hallway so he can crowd him against the wall. 

"Look at you," Rafael says, pressing hard against Sonny and licking up the line of his neck. "You're going to glow after Cuba."

"I'm glowing now," Sonny answers, sighing when Rafael busses a kiss on his mouth and ducks his head before Sonny can respond. "I'm always glowing with you."

Rafael doesn't reply. He drops to his knees and unzips Sonny's jeans. He doesn't pull Sonny's dick out immediately. He yanks Sonny's jeans halfway down his thighs and mouths Sonny's dick through his boxer briefs. 

"Shit," Sonny breathes and holds himself hard against the wall. He falls into the feeling of Rafael licking him through his underwear, and when Rafael pulls down his boxer briefs and licks at his head, Sonny arches and comes and feels no embarrassment. When he opens his eyes, he sees Rafael's face and hair covered in his come, and he drops to his knees and licks his mess off Rafael's face.

"Sonny," Rafael says, and it's a rumble from deep in his chest. Sonny presses Rafael to the floor and opens his jeans, sucking him off hard and desperate. He stops sucking when Rafael gets a hard clench on his hair and bucks up hard. Sonny breathes in deep and presses hard twice on Rafael's hips. Rafael takes the long-agreed upon signal and fucks hard into Sonny's mouth until he's coming and cursing, and Sonny swallows his come without choking.

They pant out of rhythm as Sonny slowly crawls up Rafael's body. He pauses at Rafael's hip, then his stomach, the middle of his ribcage, and finally, he's breathing a bit more slowly on Rafael's shoulder. "I love you," Sonny pants. 

Rafael hugs him close and relaxes at every point Sonny can feel. "I love you," Rafael replies, and Sonny knows a corner he can't map has been turned. 

*

"Do I need this many sunscreen shirts?" Sonny asks, looking at the pile on the bed the next afternoon. "I feel like I could pack half of these and just do laundry a couple times."

Rafael calls him "Staten Island bougie," in Spanish, and Sonny laughs. 

"Okay, okay," Sonny says.

"My family does their laundry in hand-wringer machines with rain water," Rafael replies as he packs his own suitcase. 

Sonny eyes his pants, then cuts a look at Rafael. "My working-class Italian roots say it's a compliment to let them do your laundry."

Rafael matches his sharp look. "Why do you think I only bought you eight shirts for fourteen days?"

"Doesn't the hotel have laundry facilities?"

Rafael makes a show of placing his hand over his heart. "Sonny, you'd deny my family their pride?"

Sonny laughs and folds the rest of his clothes into his suitcase. 

*

Sonny takes a chance and wakes up Rafael the morning of their trip by kissing down his body and nuzzling and sucking against his thighs. Rafael had previously agreed to be woken up via sex, but Sonny's still not sure if the sex two days ago was really the new start it felt like. 

Rafael opens his legs and rolls his hips. "Lower," Rafael groans. 

Sonny dips under Rafael's balls and licks into Rafael's ass. Rafael bucks his hips, and Sonny catches them before they can fall back to the mattress. He tongue fucks into Rafael with hard, sure strokes. Rafael presses against his mouth and lets out a series of sharp yelps as Sonny grips tight and holds himself hard against Rafael's ass as he licks and sucks and makes Rafael writhe against his tongue. He pulls away when Rafael starts to moan continuously and slowly works his mouth down Rafael's cock. 

"Sonny," Rafael breathes out. He rolls his hips and groans when Sonny doesn't take him deeper right away. "Fuck."

Sonny keeps up his slow suction and massages the insides of Rafael's thighs. He reaches up and fondles Rafael's balls before pressing firmly behind them and massaging Rafael's prostate from the outside. Rafael's breath catches, and he pants quietly for a few minutes until his entire body clenches and he comes in Sonny's mouth. 

Sonny swallows and languidly slides his mouth off Rafael's dick. He slides up Rafael's body and presses into his neck, kissing him behind the ear. "Good morning."

"Good morning," Rafael replies, wrapping one hand around Sonny's dick. He jerks off Sonny with a slow, methodical pull and twist that has Sonny mewling into his ear and clutching hard at Rafael's hip. Rafael nips at Sonny's earlobe and whispers filth in his ear until Sonny comes all over his hand. "Nice start to a travel day," Rafael murmurs as Sonny pants against his shoulder. 

Sonny hums in agreement and manages to push himself up so he can see Rafael's face. Rafael looks relaxed and happy, eyes half-open as he meets Sonny's gaze. Sonny cups Rafael's jaw and rubs at his beard. "You look good."

"I feel good," Rafael replies. He combs his fingers through Sonny's hair. "I'm looking forward to this."

"Good. It was all your idea." Sonny laughs when Rafael shoves him away. "Oh, come on. You walked into that." Sonny yelps when Rafael wipes his dirty hand down his chest. "Hey!"

"Whoops," Rafael says, giving Sonny his best wide-eyed innocent look.

Sonny can't do anything but laugh again, feeling lighter than he has in weeks. He pecks Rafael on the nose and gets out of bed. "Okay, I'm showering. You figure out where we're having breakfast so I don't have to pay nineteen bucks for an airport bagel."

*

They shower, dress, and stop at a favorite diner for breakfast. The ride to the airport is spent making small talk in Spanish so Sonny can be as fresh as possible once they land. "The whole family's bilingual," Rafael says as they pull their suitcases from the back of the Lyft, "so you can always ask for what you need in English. Honestly, I'll be surprised if you can understand them when we get there. Your speed's gotten pretty good, but the accent is different."

"I'll get by," Sonny says. "Like you said, they speak English. And I can draw pictures if I need to."

"God, you would," Rafael says. He leads them to the first-class lounge, and they both flash their IDs and the boarding passes on their phones. The concierge weighs and tags their luggage and wishes them a good flight.

"Well, this is something," Sonny says when he and Rafael step into the lounge. There are squishy burgundy chairs around low tables, and a full bar along the back wall. A man in the airline uniform walks up to them with a tray tucked under his arm.

"Welcome, gentlemen! Where are you flying today?"

"Cuba," Rafael answers.

"Havana or Holguin?"

"Holguin."

"Pre-boarding will begin in ninety minutes. What can I get you while you wait?"

"Coffee," Rafael says. He looks at Sonny. "You?"

"Coffee's good," Sonny replies. He watches the man walk away, then looks at Rafael. "You know, I've never been allowed in the fancy airport places."

Rafael grins and leads Sonny to a two-person couch. "I know. That's why I wanted to go first class. I don't know what I'm doing next, but I figure there's a good chance we won't be on another vacation for awhile."

"Have you been thinking about it? What's next, I mean?"

"Some." Rafael gives Sonny a rueful look. "I know I've been uncommunicative in a lot of ways these past few weeks. I know it's been difficult for you to give me space, but I want you to know I've appreciated it."

"I'm glad." Sonny takes Rafael's hand and squeezes. 

"All I know right now," Rafael pauses as the server drops off their coffees. He picks up his mug with his free hand and takes a sip. "All I know right now," he starts over, "is that I'm not going into criminal defense. Rita already tried to snag me, and I can't."

"Can't blame her for trying," Sonny replies, picking up his own coffee. "Getting you on her roster probably comes with a massive bonus."

Rafael smiles. "Probably." He shifts and leans further into Sonny. Sonny lets go of his hand so he can wrap his arm around Rafael's shoulders. "My relatives don't know why I'm between jobs. _Mami's_ kept them in the dark as best she can. As far as they know, I left the DA's office in good standing because I wanted a new challenge."

"I'm not going to tell them differently," Sonny says. 

Rafael looks down into his coffee. "I didn't think you would."

Sonny smiles. "Good. We won't have fight before we get on the plane. That'll be nice."

Rafael snorts and shakes his head, then sips his coffee again.

*

"We'll take mimosas," Rafael tells the flight attendant when they're seated. 

"We will?" Sonny asks in an undertone as the flight attendant turns away.

"We're on vacation," Rafael says. "Wasn't that your excuse for midday drinking the other day?"

"A strong argument," Sonny replies and smiles at the flight attendant as she comes back over with plastic champagne flutes. He slides his smile to Rafael when he taps their flutes together. "This is great," Sonny says. "Free booze. Leg room." He stretches his legs to emphasize. "A handsome, bearded companion."

"I refuse to answer to companion. It makes me sound like I'm ninety."

"Okay. Hot piece it is, then."

Rafael pointedly opens the book on his lap and ignores him. 

Sonny grins, takes a sip of his mimosa, and pulls up his latest book on his tablet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cuba, as a country, is not a fan of queers or dissenters. I am keeping to the basic facts of this information because SVU, while melodramatic as hell, is still based in the real world. I want to thank the people who have either reached out on their own to make sure I'm aware of this information or have answered my questions on it. I do not have an an in-depth, researched knowledge of the information discussed above, so if I really screw something up, that's on me.

The flight and landing are smooth. As the plane taxis to the gate, Sonny leans over and kisses Rafael on the cheek. "Gotta get my fix before we get off the plane," he says with a grin.

Rafael looks wryly pleased. "Yeah, you do," he says, and there's a touch of wistfulness in his voice. 

Four months into their relationship, after Sonny had dragged Rafael out to Staten Island the first time for a family dinner, Sonny had asked about the possibility of meeting Rafael's extended family. 

"We'd have to go to Cuba and not appear queer," Rafael had answered. "My family is mostly accepting of my sexuality, amazingly, but Cuba as a whole is a despot hellhole."

"I'd love to meet them if you ever want to," Sonny had answered. "Just tell me when, and I'll keep my hands to myself."

Now, as the plane slows towards the terminal, Rafael lifts Sonny's hand from the armrest and presses a kiss to his knuckles. "Thanks for understanding my wanting to be here."

Sonny squeezes Rafael's hand. "Shit goes down, you wanna be near your family. I get that."

"I know you do, but…" Rafael shakes his head. "I don't know the rest of that sentence."

"First time for everything," Sonny replies, and he laughs when Rafael rolls his eyes. 

*

There are three people at baggage claim who cheer at the sight of Rafael. Rafael introduces Sonny in Spanish. The elder woman with a sleek, white updo is his _Tia_. The two people closer to their own age are cousins; Ernesto is related to Rafael through his _Tia_ , and he is married to Yadira, who gives Sonny a knowing look, but it's Ernesto who speaks first. And in English.

"Yadira's name means _dear friend_ ," he says, and the bright tilt of his smirk is Rafael all over. "I thought you might find that interesting."

"Ignore him. All the Diaz men are obnoxious and like to sound clever," Yadira says with a smile. 

Sonny grins. "Only the men?"

"Oh, find, the Diaz women are little better," Yadira says with a laugh.

Sonny laughs along. He glances at Rafael, who is in an animated conversation with his _Tia_. They're speaking quickly in Spanish, and while Sonny can follow Rafael's half of the conversation, he was right about Sonny's inability to understand the language through a full Cuban accent. 

"Something about dinner?" he asks as he steps over and holds out his hand to Rafael's _Tia_. "How do you do? I'm--"

"Pfft," _Tia_ says and slaps Sonny's hand aside. She pulls him into a hug. "You are the one who takes care of _conejito_. There are no handshakes."

Sonny returns the hug and glances at Rafael, who is looking like he's trying to look exasperated but just looks pleased. "I'm fine with that. We Italians sort of look at family the same way."

"Good!" _Tia_ says as she pulls away. "Then you will explain to Rafael why you'll be dining at my house tonight."

"Oh, don't bring him into this," Rafael says. "He's only just met you all."

"I'm going to get the luggage," Sonny replies and walks over to the carousel flashing their flight number. Ernesto falls into step beside him, and they stand side-by-side waiting for the bags to come down the belt. 

"He will lose the argument," Ernesto says, jutting his chin back towards Rafael, who is now being harassed by both _Tia_ and Yadira. 

"Fine by me," Sonny says. "I'm sure the food will be great."

Ernesto smiles at him and pats his shoulder. "It will. We are not fancy, but there will be plenty to eat and many other family for you to meet."

Sonny hopes the smile on his face doesn't waver. It's not that he doesn't want to meet Rafael's family--it's part of why they're here--but all he can picture is a long line of Lucinda Barbas ( _nee_ , Diazes) prepared to stare him down through dinner. 

*

Rafael--lawyer that he is--manages to negotiate a deal: He and Sonny will come to dinner, but they will first go to their hotel-- _alone_ \--and freshen up before they show up. _Tia_ looks put out, but Yadira pulls her away with a cheerful wave goodbye. 

"Bless that woman," Rafael says as they step up to the cab stand. "I remember when I met her, I thought she'd be too meek for the family, but you can't push her around at all."

"Be lucky she disagreed with your _tia_ , then, or else we'd be staying at the house for vacation."

Rafael chuckles as they step into a cab. He gives the driver the address of the hotel and leans back against the seat. Sonny does the same, keeping his hands in his lap rather than reaching for Rafael's hand like he usually does. He watches the scenery go by. The beaches are bright white, even near dusk, and Sonny watches people on the sidewalks. The tourists are easy to spot--mostly white, mostly sunburned--and the locals are obvious by the way they move around the crowds. Sonny catches the scent of cooking meat more than once, and he can't help but pull a face each time they pass a clearly traditional building and then, shortly after, another faux design on a resort. 

"I can see your face in the window," Rafael says. 

Sonny turns to look at him and realizes Rafael's been watching him the whole ride. "Don't think I don't like it--"

"The faux-Cuban influence on the resorts is a major topic of conversation," Rafael replies, rolling his eyes as they pass another one. "A few of them are fine. They actually talked to Cubans and learned about different architectural design, but most of them are exactly what they look like."

"Like bullshit?" Sonny says, and he smiles when Rafael chuckles. "It reminds me of those tourist companies in New York who have the tinted windows on their vans, so the people traveling around to see the Statue of Liberty and MOMA and the Empire State Building can't clearly see when they're in a bad neighborhood."

"Why see the crushing poverty when there's a pretty beach?" Rafael asks.

Sonny's tempted to add more, but he holds his tongue. As tourists, they can get away with some negative conversation about the resorts, but he's not going to take his chances discussing the political and ethical ramifications of tourism in Cuba out loud in front of the cab driver. 

The cabbie pulls in front of the hotel and takes their luggage from the trunk. Sonny stands a few feet from Rafael while Rafael pays and tips. Sonny isn't sure which denominations are which colors, but he is certain the sheer amount of bills Rafael hands their driver is beyond generous. 

"Bribing him to stay quiet about our revolutionary talk?" Sonny mutters as they step into the hotel lobby.

"Making sure he has enough to bribe whichever cop wants to harass him about his license," Rafael replies, completely serious. 

Sonny wishes he could hug Rafael and tell him he's a good person, but he steps away instead, leaning against the wall of the lobby while Rafael talks to the clerk at the front desk. In public here, they can only be friends, and both of them, shoulder-to-shoulder at the desk, may look strange. He people watches. It's a nice hotel, not resort-level, but definitely on the upscale side. The large windows are open to let a breeze pass through, and Sonny notices that while there are certainly tourists like the ones he'd seen on the ride over, there are also professional people and people who carry themselves like Rafael: family who made it to America and have come back to visit. Before Sonny can figure out exactly what about the way they carry themselves is so distinctive, Rafael's at his side with two key cards and an apologetic look. 

"Seems there was a mix up. Some woman called last week and said I'd need a single king room. She had all my reservation information, so they switched it from the double."

Sonny bites back a grin as he takes one of the key cards. "And they're all booked up?"

"Lot of people in to see family this time of year. The flights are cheaper."

"Well, we'll manage."

Rafael leads the way to the elevator, then to the room. It's on the top floor, and there's a balcony with a view of the ocean. "We don't have much time," Rafael says as he heaves his suitcase onto the luggage rack. "If we're not there in an hour, _Tia_ will send the less polite cousins to find us."

Sonny tosses his suitcase on the small table in the corner and unzips it. "I really just want a fresh shirt."

"Same," Rafael agrees.

Sonny pulls a fresh linen shirt from his suitcase. He gives it a sharp shake to take out the wrinkles, then lays it on the bed so he can skin out of his T-shirt. "I assume I owe Carmen the thank you for pretending you were traveling alone?"

"Yes," Rafael says as he pulls his own shirt over his head. 

Sonny reaches out without thinking, pulling Rafael in so their chests are flush. "The clientele downstairs looked pretty varied. I get the feeling this is the sort of hotel that's not gonna care we wanted to share the bed the whole time."

"They won't, but we're not just covering our asses. We're covering my family. They need plausible deniability."

Sonny grips hard at Rafael's hips. "Fuck. I didn't think about that."

"It's okay," Rafael tells him, running his hands up and down Sonny's arms. "You've done great."

"Usually with undercover, I only have to think about me," Sonny says. 

Rafael chuckles and presses a kiss to Sonny's collarbone. "Don't worry about it. Stay circumspect, and don't talk about our sex life with my family."

"Well, that second one is definitely the easier option," Sonny replies and kisses Rafael on the cheek. "Come on. Let's get dressed. If there are less polite cousins to meet, I'd rather do it over food."

"Spoken like a true Italian."

*

 _Tia's_ house is made of weathered, grey wood and seems to sprawl backwards for miles. Every window is wide open, and music is playing when Sonny and Rafael arrive, and Sonny can't help the huge grin that splits his face when Rafael is immediately gathered into a hug, then passed down a row of family of various ages and generations along the wide front porch. 

"We miss him so much when he is gone," an elderly, bent man says to Sonny. He holds out a bottle of beer. "You are Dominick, yes?"

"I am," Sonny says. "But you can call me Sonny."

"Dominick," the man says, "I am Alian. I am Carlita's uncle, and the eldest man in the room." 

Sonny follows the flow of his waved hand and realizes Carlita is the _tia_ he met at the airport. "Oh! Yes, I met her, but I didn't get her name. That means you're Lucia's uncle as well, right?"

Alian nods. "Yes. That is how I knew who you were. She sends pictures." He pulls a smartphone from his shirt pocket and unlocks it, then navigates to a photo album. He holds the phone up so Sonny can see a photo of he and Rafael, arms around each other and wearing party hats. Sonny recognizes it as the squad Christmas party. He remembers Rollins and Liv taking photos with their phones. He hadn't realized Rafael had shared it with anyone. "Lucia says you two are a good team."

Sonny glances over and spots Rafael easily. He's wrapped in yet another hug, and he's gotten hold of a beer. There's a looseness to his body that Sonny hasn't seen in a good long while, and his face is lit with happiness as he speaks to his relatives in a faster clip of Spanish than Sonny has ever heard him use. "He's a good man," Sonny says.

"Yes," Alian agrees. "He has a good mother."

"He does," Sonny says. He and Alian share a look that shows they both know the exact sort of father Rafael had. "I don't want to impose on you," Sonny says, "but it looks like Rafael's a bit wrapped up. Could you introduce me around?"

Alian smiles, and Sonny realizes his eyes are the same green as Rafael's. "Come in the house. Those troublemakers," he waves a hand towards Rafael and the group surrounding him, "they will take their time."

Sonny laughs and follows Alian into the house. He meets aunts and uncles and cousins and second cousins and neighbors and friends of friends. The house if full to bursting, and it smells like favorite foods and beer. Sonny attempts to speak Spanish, but he's immediately laughed at. The elder ladies pat his face and tell him he's lovely for trying. The younger people just roll their eyes and tell him whatever his accent is in English, it's worse in Spanish.

"Staten Island," Sonny answers one person, who has been introduced as a cousin via marriage. "It's the best New York accent."

"I don't believe you," the man says, and Sonny leads the laughter at the response. 

Dinner seems to happen by accident. One minute, Sonny is standing and speaking with a neighbor woman about how he met Rafael, and the next, he's in a chair, Rafael next to him, his hair in disarray, the smile on his face so open that Sonny thinks he falls in love all over again.

"Sorry I left you alone," Rafael says. "But you know big families."

"I do," Sonny agrees. "I never would have thought one agreed with you."

"A Cuban one does," Rafael answers, his grin sharpening into a challenge. "It's you Italians I can't stand."

"Well, why am I even here?" Sonny asks, and he loves the way Rafael's grin immediately softens. "Your Uncle Alian introduced me around. Just don't expect me to remember anyone's names."

" _Tio_ Alian? Are you sure?"

For a moment, Sonny thinks Rafael is teasing him, but Rafael looks too surprised for that to be true. "Yeah. Older guy. Kind of bent over." Sonny looks around and spots Alian at the head of the table. "Him, right?"

"Yeah," Rafael says. He looks at Alian for a long moment.

"Is he not usually so welcoming to guests?" Sonny asks.

Rafael shakes his head. "It's not that. It's--"

"Quiet please!" Alian says in a voice just above a speaking tone, and the chatter in the room goes completely silent. "I will speak in English for this part because no one should have to hear the way Rafael's guest speaks Spanish." 

Everyone laughs. "You could have told me I spoke Spanish with a Staten Island accent," Sonny mutters to Rafael. 

"You piss with a Staten Island accent," Rafael replies. 

"But the prayer," Alian continues from the head of the table, "that we will do in Spanish."

Sonny doesn't miss that a few of the people glance at him as everyone crosses themselves. The ones who are watching him look pleased. He makes a note to tease Rafael about it later--he brought home a good Catholic boy--as Alian starts the prayer. It's brief and spoken more slowly than the general conversation. Sonny's fairly certain that's for his benefit, and he appreciates the gesture. Alian thanks God for the food, the family, the friends, and also for Rafael visiting after such a long time away. He asks God's protection for everyone here and everyone they are thinking about, and Sonny loves the way he phrases it. It's kind and open-hearted. 

"Amen," Alian says, and everyone echoes him. 

"You're Catholic?" the woman across from Sonny asks as the food starts to get passed around. "Or did you just know to cross yourself?"

"Catholic," Sonny confirms.

"He has a rosary on him right this minute," Rafael says. 

"Of course I do," Sonny replies, and the woman laughs. She's not as old as the white-haired people at the table, but Sonny thinks she's still a bit older than he or Rafael. "I'm sorry. I didn't get your name."

"Louisa," the woman says. "Rafael and I are…" she squints at Rafael. "First cousins once removed?"

Rafael shrugs. "That sounds right."

"It's nice to meet you," Sonny says. "What do you do?"

"I teach," Louisa says. She gestures to the man on her left. "And Jorge is the principal."

"Secondary school," Jorge says. "Starting with grade five and going through high school."

"That sounds demanding," Sonny replies. "That's a lot of different years to deal with."

"The challenge is what makes it fun," Louisa says. 

"Okay, yeah, I can see the family resemblance," Sonny says to Rafael, and that gets him a laugh. 

The person next to Jorge passes a plate of greens, and Jorge takes a spoonful before passing them to Louisa. "You are a police officer," Jorge says to Sonny. "But you're also a lawyer? Or you became a lawyer? Or you're about to become a lawyer?"

"No one can ever decide which one the answer is," Louisa explains as she spoons her own greens and then passes the dish down. "One person hears a version, and then another person has a slightly different version, you know?"

"I'm a detective," Sonny answers as a bowl of roasted plantains gets handed to him. "But I do have a law degree."

"And he passed the bar," Rafael interjects. "On the first try."

Jorge looks impressed. "First try? The New York bar is one of the hardest, isn't it?"

"It is," Rafael answers before Sonny can say anything. "He placed near the top of his group and studied while working full time."

"No wonder _Tia_ Lucia loves you," Louisa says. "That sort of work ethic, very first-generation."

Sonny laughs. "My great-grandparents on both sides moved to New York when Mussolini took power in the '30s. All my grandparents were first-generation American, and they've never let the rest of the family forget it. Guess I picked up my work habits from them."

"How's your writing going, Louisa?" Rafael asks. It feels like the question comes from nowhere, but there's a sharpness to Rafael's eyes that Sonny recognizes. He's on the scent of something, interjecting the question like it's no big deal into a larger conversation.

"Tell me about your family," Jorge says to Sonny. "It's three sisters, yes?"

"Yes," Sonny replies, giving Jorge his attention, but keeping half an ear on the conversation between Rafael and Louisa. They've slipped into Spanish, and they've both dropped their voices to just above a whisper. Sonny's instinct itches to know what's happening, but he also knows how to read the situation. Whatever Rafael and Louisa are talking about, they're doing it with covertness in mind. The best thing Sonny can do is to talk to Jorge and pretend like he doesn't hear Rafael listing off amounts of money. 

"I have three brothers, no sisters," Jorge says after Sonny gives him a brief rundown of his family. "We've all done what is proper and gotten married and given them grandchildren." He grins at Sonny, the joke bright on his face. "But there are more female than male grandchildren, so something went wrong."

"Well, really, all you can do is keep trying," Sonny replies with a grin of his own. "Right now, it's all girls for my sisters, but I don't think Gina's ever gonna have kids, and me? Well." Sonny huffs a laugh. "I'm gonna blame the job."

"Of course," Jorge replies, laughing with him. "The job." He cuts a quick glance at Rafael, seems to take measure of the conversation, and puts his attention back on Sonny. "I've heard half a story about you and Rafael needing to find a fake parrot as revenge for a scary child. I think part of that story is probably wrong."

Sonny laughs outright. "It is, but I can understand the confusion."

He spends the rest of dinner explaining Murder Mack to Jorge, and then to the person on Jorge's left and on his own right. The story starts trickling down the table, and by the time dessert and coffee are brought out, three teenagers have switched seats with three of their elder relatives to explain to Sonny that they can absolutely build some sort of talking parrot contraption that will out-creep Murder Mack without even trying.

"We can show you how to build it," one of the teenagers says. "But you don't want it connected in your luggage. TSA will get mad."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience. The two older teenagers look at their younger cousin. She clearly refuses to be cowed.

"It was an extra loud alarm clock," she says. "I hate getting up, so I built something that would be too loud to ignore. Last time we traveled to the States, I put it in my suitcase without taking it apart. The TSA left a note."

"A warning," says one of the older teenagers. 

"When did you visit the States?" Sonny asks. He doesn't ask how it was afforded. He has a sneaking suspicion this isn't the first family meal where Rafael's checked on people's bank accounts.

"Last summer," says the girl. "There was a science camp."

"We stayed with _Tia_ Lucia," one of the older teenagers says. "Rafael came to see us, but you weren't with him."

Sonny thinks back to the previous summer. He and Rafael had been together for nearly two years by then. But Sonny had also spent a portion of the summer undercover, working as a lifeguard at a pool to try and find the lookouts for a sex trafficking ring who seemed to be using the pool to kidnap young girls. "I was working," he says. "Undercover, so it wasn't as easy to take time off."

All three teenagers light up. They giddily ask Sonny questions about what it's like to work undercover and only get slightly disappointed when he makes it clear that it's mostly waiting around. 

"I do get to grow a beard occasionally," he says, trying to make them laugh.

"A real beard, or what _gringos_ think is a beard?" asks the elder boy. 

Sonny laughs. "A real beard. Mine doesn't come in as quickly as some people," he makes a show of overdramatically pointing at Rafael over his shoulder. "But when it decides to be a beard, it's pretty good."

"Sure it is," says the other boy with the devastating sarcasm of teenagers everywhere. 

"I'll admit it's a passable beard," Rafael says from behind Sonny. His hand is light on Sonny's shoulder for just a moment before he removes it. The younger boy's eyes flash to the touch like it's telling a secret. Sonny pretends not to notice. "But it's not the beard of a true Cuban man."

"Weren't you born in the States?" Sonny asks, and that makes the teenagers laugh. 

*

It's clear Rafael wants to linger after dessert, enjoy a proper Cuban coffee and talk as the night cools off. Sonny wants to stay as well, if only to see Rafael so relaxed and in the moment. But Sonny can't hide the yawn that tries to break his face, and then Rafael yawns just as big, and they give each other an amused look. Rafael stands and announces their exit. It's ten minutes of handshakes and back pats and shoulder squeezes for Sonny, and ten minutes of hugs for Rafael, but then they're out the front door and walking to the corner. 

"Can we get a cab right now?" Sonny asks. 

"Only because you're with me," Rafael replies. He nods at one coming up the street. "They wouldn't stop for you around here by yourself in the dark. _Gringos_ traveling alone are trouble."

"Good thing I have a guide, then," Sonny says.

They get in the cab and Rafael gives the address of the hotel, then falls into casual chatter with the cabbie. Rafael explains they're visiting family, and he's brought a friend along to prove he has one. The cabbie laughs at that, and Sonny can tell by his cadence that he's telling a story. 

Sonny looks out the window like he had earlier in the day and is struck by how different things are. The resorts are lit up behind their fences, but there are no tourists in the streets. Homeless people are asleep in doorways, and people on night shift are going about their business. The restaurants they pass are full of customers, but the energy is different. Sonny can't quite put a finger on it. 

They get to the hotel and go up to their room in silence. Rafael opens the door and gestures for Sonny to precede him. Sonny does so, then pulls Rafael in close as soon as the door closes behind them both. He breathes in the scent of Rafael's hair. It smells like the slow-cooked pork they had for dinner and and the salty breeze that had come through the windows. He ducks his head to kiss Rafael's neck and picks up the scent of beer and coffee. When he kisses Rafael on the mouth, the spices from dinner are still hiding on his lower lip.

"Your family's great," Sonny says as he presses another kiss to Rafael's mouth. 

"They are," Rafael agrees. He's languid now that they're alone. The warmth and vitality he's carried all night has mellowed into a sleepier sort of energy. He rubs his face against the front of Sonny's shirt, and Sonny squeezes him in a gentle hug. 

"Shower?" Sonny asks.

"No," Rafael replies.

Sonny unbuttons the first few buttons of Rafael's shirt and leaves him to the rest as he gets out of his own clothes. They crawl into bed together and meet in the middle, Sonny pressing his mouth to Rafael's collarbone to leave a soft trail of warm kisses while Rafael combs his fingers through his hair. 

"I love you," Rafael murmurs.

"I love you," Sonny replies. 

They fall asleep in the quiet of the room, and Sonny's last thought before he nods off is how long it's been since they've drifted off so quickly. He's certain it's not just the beer and the travel, and he looks forward to the morning with a sharp sense of pleasure.


	3. Chapter 3

Sonny wakes up slowly the next morning. He slips in and out of a doze for an undetermined amount of time, enjoying the luxury of enough sleep and the quiet warmth of the room. When he opens his eyes, he's on his side, facing the center of the bed. Rafael's looking down at him, eyes half-lidded, smile wistful and almost sad. 

"Hey," Sonny says. He lifts a hand and touches Rafael's mouth. Rafael kisses his fingers and curls his hand at Sonny's waist. "You okay?"

Rafael's smile slides off his face. "God, I want you to wake up and not ask me that question." He ducks his head and sighs. 

"Look at me," Sonny says quietly. He strokes his fingers through Rafael's hair, and then down the side of his beard. He doesn't force Rafael to meet his gaze. He waits. 

Rafael lifts his head after a minute. He looks Sonny in the eyes and tightens his grip on Sonny's waist. "Watching you with my family last night was something else. I don't know the last time I saw you laugh so much." 

"I could say the same about you," Sonny replies. He shifts closer, scratches lightly at Rafael's beard, then cups his jaw. "We've had a rough couple of years."

Rafael snorts agreement. They've talked about it at length, more conversation isn't necessary. Sonny's work dangers. Rafael's death threats. The equal amounts of concern, dissatisfaction, and frustration they've had at jobs they both love but also hate. 

"And then I made it worse," Rafael says. 

Sonny bites back an automatic denial. "One of us was going to hit rock bottom sooner rather than later," Sonny replies slowly. "You just got there first."

Rafael laughs, loud and a little harsh. He pulls Sonny to him so he can laugh against his shoulder. "That is the absolute worst cock-eyed optimist bullshit you have ever said to me." 

Sonny laughs then, hugging Rafael tight and rubbing his stubble against Rafael's cheek. "Well, it's been a rough couple of years."

They lie together for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet and the warmth of each other. Rafael shifts first, lifting his head to glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand. "I thought we'd go to the market today. You can get souvenirs out of the way early."

"Sounds good, but we can do something else if you'd prefer. Souvenirs can wait."

"No, I need to grab a couple of things," Rafael answers. He rolls Sonny onto his back and hovers over him. "I need to commit some not-quite-technical fraud."

Sonny squints at Rafael. "I don't remember that being on our to-do list."

Rafael looks lightly guilty. "You know _Mami_ and I send money down here."

"Sure," Sonny answers. It's part of their monthly budget. "Has not-quite-technical fraud been involved the whole time?"

"Yes."

Sonny blinks a few times, then shakes his head. "And I didn't know, because…?"

"I wasn't the one committing it," Rafael replies.

"Of course." Sonny grins and pokes Rafael in the ribs to make him smile. "Explain over breakfast. Whatever you're doing, I'm sure it's not bad."

"I'll order room service," Rafael replies. He kisses Sonny's forehead, his chin, and then his dimples. 

Sonny nuzzles Rafael's face at each kiss and only gets out of bed when Rafael sits up to call the kitchen. He showers and brushes his teeth, and when he comes out of the bathroom in a towel, Rafael's neatened the covers a bit and opened the balcony door to let in the breeze. "They know we had to sleep in the same bed," Sonny says as he pulls clothes from his suitcase. 

"Our pillows were touching," Rafael replies. "Not very hetero." He walks behind Sonny, pausing to kiss his shoulders. "If the food comes while I'm showering, just tip in cash and sign the receipt."

"Got it," Sonny says. He chooses a lilac shirt and khaki capris. Rather than work his hair into its usual swoop, he combs it straight back with his fingers and leaves it to air dry. It'll go curly as hell in this humidity, but it feels good to feel it move, and he doesn't need to worry about how young it makes him look while he's on vacation.

Rafael is out of the shower and dressed in a yellow shirt and cream slacks when the food comes. He signs the bill himself as Sonny moves the table and chairs from the corner and into the breeze from the balcony. 

"Eggs and bacon?" Sonny asks when Rafael lifts the lids on the plates. "What about a traditional Cuban breakfast?"

"Two of my _tias_ threatened me with bodily harm if I ordered a traditional breakfast at the hotel before they got a chance to feed you."

"You didn't tell them you've made me breakfast plenty of times?"

"Oh, did you tell your Nonna that you'd made me carbona half a dozen times before we had hers?"

Sonny laughs. "Fair," he says. He sits and smiles when Rafael pours him coffee and then sweetens it to Cuban standard. "Okay," Sonny says after he's taken an appreciative sip and cut into his eggs, "tell me how we're not-quite committing fraud."

"We?" Rafael's smile is as arch as his eyebrows. 

"By telling me at all, you've made me at least a minor co-conspirator under the law," Sonny points out.

Rafael chuckles in agreement and takes a long drink of his own coffee. He looks over Sonny's shoulder for a moment, clearly gathering his thoughts. "There's some family history involved, so I'm going to start there."

"Okay."

Rafael focuses his gaze back on Sonny. "Cuba had gulags. They discontinued them years ago, at least officially. If you ask, people say they never remember them existing, but they did."

"Who in the family got sent there?" Sonny asks. Rafael's pleased, small smile that Sonny's followed along makes him feel good. He loves getting that smile. Their lives were so different growing up, but they've carried a bone-deep understanding of each other since practically the beginning. 

" _Tio_ Alian," Rafael replies. "He's bent over like that because of the abuse he suffered."

Sonny whistles under his breath. "How long was he there?"

"No one will say. _Mami_ and _Abuelita_ left while he was still incarcerated. _Abuelita_ was working with him when he was arrested. She and _Mami_ were able to immigrate quickly because _Tio_ Alian had set up an agreement with some friends among the dissidents. The moment word got out the authorities were shifting focus to _Abuelita_ , she and _Mami_ were out of the country."

"How'd she get out of the country with her name on a list?"

"Money." Rafael eats a bite of egg. 

"Must have been a huge pile of money," Sonny replies. "My great-grandparents had to pay a _lot_ to get out of Italy, and they weren't politically active the way it sounds like your family was."

"Is," Rafael corrects. 

Sonny nods, the pieces falling into place. "I have my guesses on who might be involved today, but do I want to name names?"

Rafael chuckles. "We can say so here. Castro--Fidel, not his brother--probably hasn't had a bug planted since 2005."

"Probably," Sonny says with his most dramatic air quotes. 

Rafael rolls his eyes. "I'm not saying Raul's any better, but he has been trying to soften the image of Cuba as a festering hellhole since he took power."

"Not an uncommon practice of a new dictator," Sonny replies. 

"He says he's going to step down from power after his term finishes this year."

Sonny doesn't reply with words. He just gives Rafael a flat stare until Rafael gives up and laughs. "I mean, come on," Sonny says. "He's been in power for over a decade and only just opened up to wider US relations in 2015. I know that shit takes time, but if he was really looking to shake things up, he'd have opened things up a year after his brother died."

"Cubans don't like change," Rafael argues.

Sonny considers that. "I can see that," he says. "Military junta to multi-decade dictatorship isn't a great history to trust." He appreciates the curve of Rafael's smile as he takes a drink of coffee. "So, I can name names to you?"

"Louisa and Jorge are very involved in political work," Rafael answers. "The rest of the family is involved to varying degrees from wanting to change things radically to asking not to be involved."

"What about your uncle?"

"Officially, Alian hasn't had a political thought outside the accepted rules since he left the gulag."

"Unofficially?"

" _Mami_ would never allow her favorite _tio_ to stagnate in his ideas of the world. She's been a one-woman protest march against him refusing to talk about things."

Sonny laughs, his appreciation for Lucia growing even deeper. "Of course."

"I was surprised he introduced you around because he doesn't trust strangers. But you said _Mami_ sent him pictures, and it made sense. She probably spent months working on him to be ready to accept you when you finally showed up."

"I should probably thank her," Sonny says. 

"She'll deny having done anything and say he's just getting soft in his old age."

They share a smile, and then Sonny is struck by a thought. "What happened to your grandfather on her side? I don't think your mother's ever mentioned him."

Rafael looks out at the balcony and takes a deep, hard breath. "He and Alian went into the gulag on the same day."

"Oh," Sonny whispers. 

"The details are understandably sparse," Rafael says, still looking out at the balcony. "I was four or five when _Abuelita_ received a package."

Sonny doesn't want to ask, but that's never stopped him. It's why he's a cop. Why he's a lawyer. Someone has to ask, and he's the type of person who's never shied from the worst questions. "What was in the package?"

"Ashes. A rosary." Rafael meets Sonny's gaze. " _Abuelita_ cried for three days, and then she told me I was going to be a judge, and I would serve justice."

Sonny's out of his chair and pulling Rafael into a hug before he can make a plan. "I'm so sorry," he whispers into Rafael's hair. 

"It's an old hurt," Rafael answers, but his voice breaks on the last word.

Sonny holds him close, feeling him a piece at a time. The warmth of him against Sonny's chest. The scratch of his beard against Sonny's cheek. His hands spanning Sonny's back. "Old hurts don't always hurt less," he murmurs. 

Rafael sighs, then shudders. His hands spasm on Sonny's waist, gripping hard, then releasing, then gripping again. "The first time I stepped in a courtroom, I knew I never wanted to be a judge."

Sonny presses a kiss to Rafael's head and holds him tighter. "Yeah?" he prompts when Rafael takes a slow, deep breath and relaxes into Sonny's hug. 

"I wanted to fight for people, not make the final call on them." Rafael lets out a rush of breath against Sonny's neck. "I never told her." 

Sonny blinks away his tears. He cups the back of Rafael's head and turns them so he can press Rafael against the wall and crowd as much as he needs. "I never met her, but I know she was proud of you. There's no way not to be proud of you."

"Sonny," Rafael whispers, and he buries his face against Sonny's shoulder. "Goddamn you."

Sonny can't help his watery laugh. "How dare you," he says, leaning on their oldest joke. "I'm a good Catholic."

Rafael groans and shakes his head and pulls Sonny in impossibly closer. They hold each other for a few minutes. Sonny lets Rafael be the one to break it. If it were up to him, they'd shuffle towards the bed and hold each other all day. "We have things to do," Rafael says. 

"I was promised not-actual-fraud," Sonny replies. He tilts up Rafael's chin so he can kiss him, soft and warm and perfect in the way it's familiar. 

Rafael presses in for another kiss before pushing softly at Sonny's to separate them. "It's not thrilling," he says as they sit down again. "The government will tell you they don't have political prisoners anymore, but it's bullshit. If you're a known agitator, they still keep an eye on you. You may not get arrested if you're not out marching, but they'll wait for you to slip up in some other way."

"Pick you up for speeding and lose your paperwork once you're in jail?" Sonny guesses.

"That's one way." Rafael leans back in his chair and cups his mug between his hands. "You can also get picked up if your bank records look questionable."

"What's the probably cause to look at the bank records?"

"Probable cause," Rafael says with a wry smile, "aren't you cute." 

Sonny chuckles. "Right. Horrible despot country. They look at them because they can."

"More or less. Someone like _tio_ Alian, they check his records a lot. Money from the United States can't be trusted. He could be colluding with the enemy and taking bribes to destabilize the Cuban government."

"You can't directly give your uncle money from any of your accounts. If the government saw that, they'd find a reason to throw him back in prison and maybe mess with the rest of your family," Sonny says. Rafael nods. "So, the not-quite fraud is something to do with the money transfers you need to make."

"Exactly," Rafael says and gives Sonny a warm look for figuring it out. " _Mami_ opened her first bank account when she was eighteen and still living here. When she and _Abuelita_ fled, she didn't close it. She can transfer money from her account in New York to her account here, and it doesn't set off alarm bells as long as she or I are in the country when it happens. I'm a co-signer on the account, so if I'm in the country when the money is moved over, I have the excuse of needing funds for my vacation."

"Have they ever questioned you about it?" Sonny can't help but picture a dank, windowless room, Rafael left alone for hours to worry about what they know and what they might do to get information.

"A few times," Rafael says. "It's not anywhere near what you're thinking. I'm Cuban-American, not Cuban. The authorities here don't want anyone to know what they actually do, so I get asked some leading questions that I don't answer with any real information, and we go our separate ways. A well-to-do American coming to visit his impoverished family going back to the States with stories of government oppression isn't a story they want to star in."

Sonny finishes his coffee as he takes in this information. "What happens to the money once it goes into your mother's account?"

"I go and take out some of it. I go to the market, and I buy a few gifts for the family. A new shirt for Alian. Some food to take over for dinner. A nice bottle of wine. Scarves for the women. A board game for the younger cousins. And a burner phone because wouldn't you know, I left my charger on the plane."

"Hate when that happens," Sonny says with a grin.

"The next day, I go back to the bank and take out some more money. I go to the market again but don't buy nearly as much. But I'm seen at the market, and people remember I'm buying _something_. Lather, rinse, and repeat a few times with a visit or two to the family in between, and _Mami's_ account has a noticeably lower balance with all the funds accounted for as having gone into my pocket. And of course I wouldn't take a burner phone back with me, so it'll go to the family to use as needed."

"I'm guessing the phone and the money go to Louisa and Jorge," Sonny says. 

Rafael nods. "It does. Good guess."

Sonny shrugs. "Not really. You said they're the most politically active, and you and Louisa were discussing money last night. Pretty easy to put that together. They need funds and secure ways to communicate."

Rafael shakes his head. "You weren't supposed to hear that conversation."

"Oh, come on, you think I don't know a bit of undercover work when I see it?" Sonny grins as Rafael sighs in defeat. "I assume they put the money back into their work, but how do they explain a sudden windfall to the bank? The guys watching you have got to be watching them when you're in the country."

"Louisa actually does write and gets paid for it. She has some trusted contacts who will take cash from her, then cut her a check for the amount and say it's for writing or research she did for them. They're all Cuban businesses, so the people looking at bank records are likely to ignore the deposits as long as they're in line with similar payments in the past."

"Wow," Sonny says, whistling lowly. "I mean, I figured you had it all figured out, but I wasn't expecting an outside network of contacts."

"It's the only way to get things done in these circumstances." Rafael glances out the balcony door, and Sonny appreciates the way the sun brightens his features. " _Mami_ also occasionally straps cash to herself after going through security in New York, but I've never tried it."

"A DA going into Cuba with unclaimed funds? Yeah, I could see that being an issue."

Rafael's features go slack for just a moment. "Suppose I could try it now," he murmurs, but Sonny hears it clearly.

"Nope," Sonny answers, and he knows he does so too quickly, but he doesn't care. "What's it gonna look like for me, the good cop, to have helped smuggle money into Cuba?"

Rafael looks at him. He's a bit misty-eyed, but he blinks it away. "Right. We can't have tarnish on your reputation, you wouldn't know what to do with yourself."

They fall into a deep moment of silence that makes Sonny hurt behind his ribs. He taps his fingers on the table to break them out of it. "That's true, but I know what I wanna do now, and that's take a bath in sunscreen then go to the market." He stands and stretches, then holds out a hand to Rafael. "Come on."

There's a depth of sadness in Rafael's eyes, but he takes Sonny's hand and lets himself be pulled to his feet. "Thank you," Rafael whispers into Sonny's collarbone.

"You're welcome," Sonny replies as softly because he's honestly not sure what else to say. It's not a time for reassurance or deep discussion. It's time to go out in the white-bright sunlight and watch Rafael be at home as he helps his family fight the good fight. It's time to enjoy Rafael helping people in different ways than Sonny's ever seen. The thought excites him and makes him smile. He presses a kiss to the top of Rafael's head and breathes him in. "Lead the way," he says. "I trust you know where you're going."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything I mention in this chapter--the gulag; the exchange of power from Fidel to his brother; Cuba's claims that they have no political prisoners today while still arresting people for demonstrating and finding reasons to hold them for months--is true based on what information I could find through some google searching. Rafael's off-hand comment about Cubans not liking change is a best guess based on the circumstances and history of Cuba and also the circumstances and history of other countries that have been through similar experiences. 
> 
> There's not much information about political action in Cuba, which is unsurprising given the dictatorship being like every other dictatorship, but Rafael and his mother having a system to get money into the country is based on information I found that people who have bank records that show money coming in from the States can be detained by police under suspicion of wanting to harm the state. 
> 
> And here I thought I was writing a quiet relationship fic.


	4. Chapter 4

They leave the hotel a half-hour later. Sonny's wearing as much sunscreen as he could possibly cover himself with and pulls a face when he sees how shiny he is in the sun. "I look like I'm about to get stuck in the oven at 400 degrees."

Rafael grins. "Give it an hour. It'll feel that way." He's only wearing a thin layer of sunscreen himself. The only sign that he has it on is a tiny streak of white in his beard that's only noticeable because it isn't the silver-gray that's peppering his beard. "What?" Rafael asks when he feels Sonny looking. They're walking down the street towards a bank. It's bright blue with wide front windows, and Sonny can't help but grin at their reflection in the glass.

"Nothing. Just jealous you look so good, and I look like some weird guy you found living in a sewer."

"Was that not how we met?" 

Sonny presses his mouth closed as he opens the door to the bank and waves Rafael in. Nothing he wants to say in reply could ever be confused as one straight man talking to another, and they need to not draw attention to themselves.

Half the people in the bank turn and stare at Sonny. He hears some murmuring. "I'll wait over here," he says in an undertone as he backs up closer to the door. 

"Be just a minute," Rafael replies, giving him a rueful smile that calls him _gringo_ with deep affection. 

Sonny slips his hands in his pockets and pretends he can't hear people talking or understand them in Spanish. There are a _lot_ of comments being made about how white his legs are. He hears _jirafa_ a couple of times and has to keep from laughing. He's been called a giraffe since he shot up past his sisters at the age of ten. They'll get a kick when they hear a bunch of strangers in a bank used it as a go-to descriptor. 

"Pardon me, Sir."

Sonny turns slowly, his neck prickling as his instincts flare up. There's a man of about thirty wearing a police uniform and taking his measure. Sonny keeps his body loose and gives the man his biggest smile. "Hi," he says. "Can I help with something?" 

The man's nose wrinkles slightly--no doubt at Sonny's accent. "Are you going to get in line, Sir?"

Sonny waves an arm towards the counter, making sure not to look over to see where Rafael is. He's a tourist here with a friend. Nothing interesting, really. "I'm waiting on my friend."

The man turns to survey the customers. "Which one is your friend?"

Sonny looks to the counter then. He spots Rafael immediately, but he scans past him once before pointing. "Oh, there. Third window."

The man watches the back of Rafael's head for a moment, then turns to give Sonny another assessing look. "You are an American."

"Sure am. Staten Island born and raised." Sonny pauses for half a second. "It's in New York," he adds.

The man looks annoyed, which is exactly what Sonny wants. "I own a map, Sir."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Sonny says, rolling his shoulders in an easy shrug. "No offense, you know."

The man looks more annoyed. Sonny sees Rafael approaching from the corner of his eye and is proud of how he doesn't break his stride.

"Remind me to thank my mother when I get home," Rafael says as he walks up to Sonny. He nods to the policeman and greets him in Spanish. They have a brief conversation. Sonny plays dumb, looking out the window at people passing by.

<"He is with you?">

<"Yes. He's a friend.">

<"And you are an American?">

<"Yes. First generation. My mother grew up here.">

<"Who are you visiting?">

<"Family.">

<"Why is he with you?">

<"He's never been and doesn't speak Spanish.">

<"He could hire a local.">

<"I haven't been to visit in a year. It was a good excuse.">

<"He is rude.">

<"Yes.">

Sonny presses his hands flat in his pockets so he doesn't shake with the laugh he's holding down. 

<"Why is your mother sending you money?">

<"My wallet fell out of my pocket in the cab. It hasn't been found yet.">

<"We are honest here. I am sure someone will find it.">

<"I am sure someone will.">

The man gives Rafael a hard look. Sonny knows it well. He's seen a similar one on his own face when he glances at the two-way glass in the interrogation room when a suspect is playing him. The police officer knows he's being strung along. But there's no way to prove it. 

<"He looks like an albino giraffe.">

" _Jirafa_!" Sonny says, mispronouncing it slightly. "I heard a couple other people use that word. Is it some famous guy or something?" He is absolutely certain Rafael's pained look isn't faked. 

"No," Rafael says in English. "It's something else."

<"Remove the American from the bank, and I will not ask any more questions,"> the man says to Rafael.

Rafael gestures for Sonny to walk towards the door and gives the man a small nod as they leave. They walk a block in silence, and then Rafael chuckles from deep in his chest. "Gee-rafa? Really? Even the drunks on Cinco de Mayo know that you pronounced a j as an h."

"It worked," Sonny replies, chuckling along with him. 

"How do you do that? How do you know when to play dumb?"

"It's good instinct. I've seen you do it, too."

"Not like you," Rafael says. There's no tease in his voice, just pride and affection. 

Sonny has to duck his head to hide his smile. "Thanks."

They drop into silence again, comfortable and easy with each other. Rafael leads them down the street a half-step ahead of Sonny. It's crowded on the street, even more so as they approach the market. Sonny expects Rafael to lead them straight to the heart of things. Instead, Rafael takes him to some tables on the left side of the street, right near the entrance. The vendors are selling toys and magnets and cigar holders and small paintings. There's a small cluster of white people milling around, all of them wearing green wristbands. 

"Why are we starting here?" Sonny asks, pulling a face when he hears someone behind him speak slowly and loudly to the vendor. The vendor answers in quiet English. The tourist asks another question as loud and slow as before.

"You're starting here," Rafael says. "You need to check off the souvenir list. I'll be down that way," he points to the right where the market opens up more. "I'll meet you back here in twenty minutes." Rafael rolls his eyes when the loud tourist asks a third question. "For the love of god, speak Spanish and don't embarrass me."

"What about my accent?" Sonny asks with a grin. 

"Believe me, no vendor at the front of this market will care," Rafael replies. He squeezes Sonny's shoulder as he steps away, an acceptable touch in the crowd. 

Sonny watches Rafael walk away, tracking his movements for a moment without thinking. When he turns his attention back to the table, the tourists in the green wristbands have departed, but there's a group of white people wearing orange wristbands coming off a small shuttle bus next to the market entrance. Sonny picks up a wooden car modeled off a 1950s Cadillac and holds it up, smiling at the vendor. <"Do you carve these yourself? They're beautiful.">

A brief flash of relief crosses the vendor's face. <"I do. It's all one piece, safe for children.">

Sonny raps his knuckles against the toy. He grins at the dull 'thunk' the gesture makes. <"My sisters and I had wooden toys as kids. I had to get four stitches when my little sister hit me in the nose."> He picks up a second car. Jesse's not quite old enough yet to notice Noah has "big kid" toys, but Sonny knows she's not far off. <"These two, please.">

The vendor names a price, and Sonny hands him a few bills, then takes the small sack the man hands him. Sonny glances at the orange-band tourists who have made their way over. They're having a quick, whispered conversation, and Sonny hears the word 'haggle' several times. 

<"Do not tell them they can't haggle,"> the vendor says, reading Sonny with ease. <"They get very rude if you correct them.">

<"It's pretty rude to not do some easy research to find out haggling isn't really a thing here.">

The vendor waves a hand in dismissal. <"I tell all the women they look like my dead wife and all the men that they look very virile. They do not remember to haggle after that.">

Sonny grins and nods. <"Have a good day.">

The vendor returns his nod and turns towards the tourists. Sonny steps away to the next table. He chooses three magnets. One simply has the word 'Cuba' painted on a magnet shaped like the island. That one is for his parents. The other two are tiny portraits of people dancing. One is a woman, the other a man. The woman wears a polka dot dress, and the man wears a suit with a polka dot tie. He pays the vendor and moves onto the next table--this one covered in small paintings and pottery and journals made with wooden covers. He picks gifts for Liv and Rollins and Fin. As he's finishing his transaction with the vendor, Rafael walks up.

"Here," Rafael says, holding out a straw cowboy hat. "You're already turning pink."

Sonny places the hat on his head and turns to the vendor. <"What do you think?">

"Gringo as hell," Rafael says before the vendor can reply. The vendor laughs. 

<"Your friend is right,"> the vendor says to Sonny.

Sonny adjusts the hat slightly so it fits better on his head. <"I'm not gonna try and deny it."> He grins at Rafael, expecting to get a smile in return, but Rafael's looking at him intently instead. 

"I'm done," Rafael says, holding up a large bag that Sonny can see is filled with smaller bags. "You?"

"Ready to go," Sonny replies, though he really wants to dive deep into the market. He follows Rafael back towards the hotel instead. "We're not going to hit another one?" 

"Later," Rafael says. He looks at Sonny's hat and licks at the corner of his mouth. "We should have brought water with us."

"Sure," Sonny replies, not buying it at all. He tips his head back and looks up at the sky. He sees Rafael steal a look at the way his neck stretches. "I'm thinking you might be proud of your taste in hats," Sonny says.

"Hats and other things," Rafael says. He steps a bit closer to Sonny, just close enough their arms brush, and Sonny takes Rafael's bag from him just to feel the sun-warmed heat of his fingers. 

"You might be right about the water," Sonny says as they round the corner for the hotel. "I'm feeling a little parched. Maybe we should wait an hour or two before heading back out." 

"I could be convinced."

The heat licking up Sonny's spine is delicious, as are the swift, sharp looks Rafael keeps cutting him. They step into the hotel then onto the elevator. When they get to the room, it hasn't been made up, yet. Rafael hangs the Do Not Disturb sign while Sonny places their purchases in the closet. 

Sonny sighs deeply when Rafael wraps his arms around his waist. "Am I leaving the hat on?"

"Yes," Rafael says, and he presses a kiss to the back of Sonny's neck. "But feel free to lose everything else."

Sonny doesn't pretend like he wants to take his time. He strips down to nothing as quick as he can, then sits on the edge of the bed and unabashedly makes grabby hands as Rafael folds his trousers and removes his underwear. 

"I can't believe I find that cute," Rafael murmurs as he steps in close and tilts Sonny's chin up for a kiss. 

Sonny doesn't argue. Rafael's kissing him with a single-minded focus he hasn't had in _months_. Sonny pulls at Rafael's hips and gasps when Rafael's dick slaps hard and hot against his chest. He lets go of Rafael's left hip so he can wrap his right hand around Rafael's dick and stroke him lightly. 

Rafael groans and pushes at Sonny's shoulders, but Sonny doesn't budge. He doesn't want to give up this kiss. Instead, he stumbles to his knees, then starts maneuvering backwards on the bed, pulling Rafael along with him. Once Rafael is on the bed, legs hanging over the side, Sonny straddles him and takes over the work of the kiss, licking deep into Rafael's mouth and cradling the back of his head with both hands. 

"Need you," Rafael whispers when Sonny pulls away slightly to better press himself into Rafael's lap. "Need you so much."

Sonny shivers as Rafael's fingers slide up his back, and he reaches between them, fumbling to take both their dicks in hand. Rafael swats his hand away and grips tight on Sonny's dick alone, jerking him off with an agonizing tightness that makes Sonny see stars and kiss him even harder. 

Rafael pulls away from Sonny's mouth and tucks Sonny's head against his shoulder. Sonny sucks light, open-mouthed kisses up and down Rafael's neck while Rafael whispers in his ear. 

"So beautiful. The sunlight on you. The way you move. Winning over all those vendors. Finding ways to make them your friends."

Sonny gasps at the praise and bites on the edge of Rafael's ear. "Stop teasing me," Sonny says. He groans deep when Rafael loosens his grip and slows his stroke. "Goddamnit."

Rafael laughs, low and promising. He leans back slowly, hand coming off Sonny's dick. He settles on his back with his hands behind his head and cants his hips up. "Ride 'em, cowboy."

Sonny laughs and has to grip Rafael's chest to stay upright. "You fucking nerd." He shifts his hips so that Rafael's cock is lined up with the curve of his ass. He grips hard at Rafael's shoulders and slowly rocks backwards, feeling the slight dampness of Rafael's pre-cum at the small of his back before he shifts forward and up again. It takes a few strokes to get the angle right, but soon Rafael's dick is sliding between Sonny's cheeks, the head of his dick pressing deliciously against Sonny's hole as he rocks his hips. 

Rafael's hands are still behind his head, but his biceps are tight with his determination to stay that way. He bites his lower lip and follows Sonny's movements with half-open eyes, occasionally thrusting up to knock Sonny off his rhythm. 

"Who's riding who?" Sonny asks, pushing his hat back on his head so the front brim rides high above his forehead. 

"Jerk me off," Rafael says. He takes one hand from behind his head and skates his fingers over Sonny's dick. 

Sonny gasps and arches his back, sitting up straight, and then curling backwards, his right hand going behind him to grip Rafael's dick and then trail down to cup his balls. "You wanna come all over me?"

Rafael fists the head of Sonny's dick and squeezes slowly, letting the pressure slowly build for several seconds as Sonny gasps and writhes in his lap. "I'd come on you every day if you let me."

Sonny groans, and he lets go of Rafael's balls and grabs his dick again. "Fuck."

"I'd get it in your hair," Rafael continues, grinning when Sonny thrusts hard into his hand. "On your face. Just on the edge of your mouth. Watch you lick it away like I know you love."

"Fuuuuck," Sonny groans. He lifts up and shifts position, settling on Rafael's thighs before picking up the pace on his dick. "Come on me," he says. "Fuck. Please." 

"You gonna come for me?" Rafael asks. "I wanna see you get off on this."

Sonny moans and grabs his dick, no finesse in his technique as he rushes himself to completion and tries to keep up with his stroking of Rafael. He comes after a dozen strokes, come spattering Rafael's dick and stomach. He's heaving in air, but it doesn't stop him from leaning down and licking his own jizz off of Rafael's balls.

"Sonny. Christ." Rafael smothers a shout. 

Sonny licks up Rafael's balls to his shaft, and then sucks lightly at the head. He takes his time pressing his mouth along the vein on the underside of Rafael's dick. He nuzzles Rafael's balls, then lifts his head, pressing his bottom lip into the spongy tip of Rafael's dick. "You wanna come on me?" 

"Yes. Fuck."

Sonny picks up the pace, loosening his grip just a bit so he can jack Rafael quick and smooth. He laps at Rafael's slit over and over, feels it heat up as Rafael gets closer. He rubs his thumb up and down the big vein, then uses his free hand to roll Rafael's balls back and forth. "Come on," he says, half-taunting, half-breathless. "Come on my face like you want." 

Rafael groans and grips the sheet and jerks his hips up, his dick sliding past Sonny's lips, then back, and then he's coming. Sonny closes his eyes as cum streaks his face, but he knows Rafael's eyes are open. Knows he's watching. Knows he loves it, the way come spatters Sonny's face and marks him as taken. It's been so long since they've done this. Not that it's ever happened on a schedule. But it happened more before...Sonny can't really pick the moment it stopped being something they did. He isn't sure when Rafael lost his occasional need to claim him or why he himself never noticed it had stopped. He loves it, the dirty thrill of it, the way it lets him _feel_ exactly what he does to Rafael. 

"Come here," Rafael says in the tone that tells Sonny he's thinking too loud.

Sonny keeps his eyes closed as Rafael manhandles him until he's flat on his back on the bed. Rafael takes his hat and smoothes his hair, and then he leans down and kisses Sonny's cheek, licking a bit of his come off his face as he does so. Sonny can tell there's no mess on his eyelids, so he opens his eyes when Rafael shifts and licks a spot on his temple. He kisses Sonny then, and Sonny kisses back, keeping it as soft and warm and promising as what Rafael's giving him. 

"What the hell happened to us?" Sonny murmurs when Rafael pulls away and traces the shape of his mouth. 

"I don't know," Rafael replies. He sits up slowly, hands trailing over Sonny's chest and up his neck. "Stay put."

"Where else do I wanna be?" Sonny asks, and the way Rafael looks at him, sharp and deep, tells Sonny he's not alone in knowing they're damn lucky that everything that's been knocking them around hasn't ever managed to knock them apart. 

Rafael goes into the bathroom and comes back with a warm washcloth. He wipes his come from Sonny's face with careful strokes and then lies next to him so they're mirrors of each other. Sonny's facing left, Rafael right. They each have an arm under their head. They're both reaching for each other, Sonny cupping Rafael's forearm while Rafael splays his hand over Sonny's waist. 

"Where the fuck have we been?" Sonny asks, staring into Rafael's eyes. Rafael looks as lost as Sonny feels. Sonny scoots closer and slides his hand up Rafael's arm until it's hooked over his shoulder, and he's certain Rafael can't easily escape. 

"Working," Rafael says finally, the word a brush of hot air next to Sonny's ear. "Just. Working."

Sonny feels tears welling and doesn't stop them. He's been stopping them for a long time, he knows. Not wanting to stress out Rafael. Not wanting to stress out himself. He presses his forehead to Rafael's shoulder and lets them fall. Rafael holds him close and dampens Sonny's shoulder in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Lyssa for a great beta! 
> 
> Remember when this was gonna be a light-hearted romp?! Yeah, me neither. Fucking feelings, man.
> 
> Also, the tourists being rude dicks is based on reading WAY too many travel sites to understand what tourists do in Cuba and the majority of people on the boards coming off VERY badly in the way they talk about Cuba and how to travel and talk to people there. Like. Just. Wow. 
> 
> (BTW, please google variations of Cuban stuff to buy at the market and see how fucking lovely it all is. It's so lovely.)


	5. Chapter 5

Sonny doesn't know how long they hold each other and cry. He doesn't know how long they spend in a cool shower afterwards, still holding each other as the water sluices over them in a comforting hum of white noise. When they step out of the bathroom, Sonny watches Rafael turn the clock towards the wall before either of them can see what time it is. Rafael understands that they can't let time dictate this conversation. This needs to happen at whatever speed it happens.

"I love you," Sonny says, quiet and urgent. 

"I love you, too," Rafael replies, turning so Sonny can see his face. He finishes toweling off and sits on the bed. He looks up at the ceiling, then at Sonny. He twists his towel in his hands once, then tosses it into a corner. 

Sonny tosses his in the same direction and sits next to Rafael on the bed. He takes Rafael's hands, kissing his knuckles gently. Rafael meets his eyes with warm acceptance. "I don't know what happened," he says. "I mean, I know events happened, and they caused stress, and I know we get angry at each other sometimes, but I always felt like we worked it out and were doing okay."

"That's a good word for it," Rafael replies. "Okay." He runs his thumb over the back of Sonny's hand. "We've been scraping by, haven't we?"

"Yeah," Sonny replies. He swallows hard and leans against Rafael's side. Rafael presses a kiss to Sonny's hair, and Sonny closes his eyes and breathes in deep. "I've seen you pulling away, but I...I wasn't scared of it, I guess? I knew it wasn't me? I don't know. Maybe that's bullshit. Maybe I didn't want to ask."

"I definitely didn't want you to ask," Rafael says. "I was relieved when you didn't. I thought I could handle things. I didn't want to put more on you than you already have."

"Which I have also not handled well," Sonny says. Rafael kisses into his hair again, and Sonny presses into it. "I remember every time you suggested I go back to the therapist. I just...I felt okay."

"There's that word again."

Sonny chuckles, and he's glad Rafael chuckles with him. "Yeah. It's a shitty catch phrase. We should change it."

"I agree," Rafael says. He brings up his free hand and cups Sonny's jaw. Sonny lifts his head so they're eye-to-eye. "I don't know how we both managed to be this emotionally off-base and not drift away from each other more than we did."

"You mean you're surprised we didn't break up?" 

"Yeah."

Sonny shifts so he can sling an arm around Rafael's waist, and then he slowly lowers them both to the bed. He nuzzles against Rafael's neck and hugs him. "I told you. I'm never not going to be in love with you."

The silence is heavy, like the air before a big storm. Sonny isn't afraid of it. They've managed to navigate to being in this moment to talk, and he trusts that. Trusts them. 

"Lucky me," Rafael says, voice rusty and broken. "Goddamnit," he whispers. 

Sonny doesn't have to look up to know he's crying again. "And you're never not gonna love me." 

"I've never said that to you." Rafael's voice is thick with guilt. 

"I don't expect you to. I know you agree with me because you're here right now. And you tell me you love me all the time. You show it, too."

"I don't make declarations."

"Good." Sonny can't help but laugh at the surprised noise Rafael makes. He props himself up on an elbow so he can see Rafael's face. There are fresh tear tracks on his cheeks and more tears in his eyes. "Look, I know I make a lot of declarations, but that doesn't mean I need as many tossed back at me. I mean what I say, which is why I say it. And you mean it, too--and I know that you know that but need to hear it right now. I'm just glad hearing me get gooey on you doesn't make you nuts."

"It did at first," Rafael admits. "Not when we got together, but when we first met. I thought you were full of shit, pulling some sort of nice guy con."

"You know how much I laughed when I figured that out?"

"You laughed about it?"

"Sure. Once I figured it out--okay, well, Carmen tipped me off--"

"Traitor," Rafael mutters. 

Sonny smiles and kisses Rafael's temple. "Once I figured it out--"

"Through treason."

"Sure. My point is, it made me realize that your mouthing off was just how you are with people you think are fucking with you, and it was fun to mouth off back at you and see you get that I'm just me."

"It was nice to realize," Rafael says quietly. "It was…" he shakes his head. "The only word I have is 'nice.' This is embarrassing."

"Nah," Sonny replies, "that's good. It means I was being honest."

Rafael smoothes back Sonny's hair and pulls him down for a kiss. "I'm so fucking lucky you decided to like me."

"Back at you," Sonny replies. He smiles when Rafael shifts so they're both on their sides, facing each other. "Hi," he says. 

"Hi," Rafael replies. 

They watch each other for a few moments, the mood shifting into an easy calm. Sonny smiles when Rafael moves a bit closer so their knees are touching. The warmth of the moment reminds Sonny of their very best days off, waking up slowly in bed and enjoying the lazy closeness of one another. He doesn't linger on how long it's been since they've had one. They're here now, and they're talking. That's good. That's great. 

"How do we keep this?" Rafael asks, and Sonny smothers him in a full body hug for being brave enough to ask. They're an equal partnership; he's not the only one who asks the hard questions. 

"I don't know," Sonny says against Rafael's neck. "We'll figure it out."

"Will we?"

Sonny nuzzles Rafael's neck and pulls him even closer. "Yes."

"How do you know?"

"We're here," Sonny replies, and he lets Rafael manhandle him onto his back and curl in close instead of responding with words. 

*

Rafael's phone starts pinging in the mid-afternoon. They've spent the mid-day laying together. The sun has shifted, but they've barely moved. Sonny loves it. They've dozed and held each other close and not tried to fill the silence with anything more than a few kisses and murmured endearments. They're moving from short, sweet kisses into longer, languid kissing that promises even more when Rafael's phone goes off for the fourth time in twenty minutes. 

"Goddamnit," Rafael mutters against Sonny's mouth. He sighs deeply, sucks lightly on Sonny's bottom lip, and turns away to grab his phone. 

Sonny laughs and curls close against Rafael's back. "Boy, I sure hope it's super important and not just reminding us we're due for dinner in a couple of hours."

"Your sarcasm is not sexy," Rafael replies as he thumbs through his messages.

"You fucking liar," Sonny replies. He feels giddy and loose, warm from the quiet time they've spent together, and half-hard from their interrupted kissing. He goes with it, sliding down Rafael's body until he can suck at Rafael's balls. 

"Sorry, can't make it to dinner," Rafael deadpans. "Sonny is attached to my balls."

Sonny sucks for a few more seconds, then licks up Rafael's dick. "I'm happy to adjust my schedule to meet theirs."

"Suck up," Rafael replies. He sighs deeply when Sonny slowly licks up his cock and then sucks on the head of his dick. "That wasn't...a literal description."

Sonny pulls off, the noise of it obscene in its wetness. "If you say--" He laughs when Rafael grabs the back of his head and pushes him back down. 

"Okay?" Rafael asks, unclenching his hands from the back of Sonny's head, and the heavy tone making it clear he may have overstepped. 

Sonny sucks hard on Rafael's cock, then pulls off. He makes eye contact with Rafael and loves the feel of his filthiest grin sliding across his face. "Have I ever disliked a face fuck?" They haven't done this in awhile, either.

Rafael sighs out a breath and grips Sonny's hair with intent. Sonny licks the thick vein on the underside of Rafael's dick and groans happily when Rafael face fucks him hard. 

"Shit," Rafael sighs. "Fuck. Sonny."

Sonny grabs Rafael's ass and squeezes as he takes him as deep as possible. Rafael half-heartedly tries to pull away, but Sonny refuses to give ground. He massages the vein of Rafael's cock with his bottom lip and flicks his tongue against the underside of the head again and again until Rafael comes down his throat. 

Rafael gasps when Sonny swallows. Before Sonny can catch his breath and say anything, Rafael has him hauled up by the hips, Sonny's dick deep in his mouth as he relaxes against the pillows. 

"This looks like a dare," Sonny says. He laughs quietly when Rafael grabs his hips and pushes Sonny further into his mouth. "Gonna make a mess of you," Sonny says, and Rafael moans and arches his back and sucks hard. 

Sonny doesn't have the ability to dirty talk when Rafael is sucking his dick with deep determination. He focuses instead on fucking Rafael's mouth, slipping a finger alongside his dick when Rafael moans and sounds needy. Sonny pushes in another finger, and Rafael's moan slips into joyous. Sonny groans when Rafael manages to keep sucking him and bite his fingers at the same time. 

"Fuck," Sonny whispers. He gets his free hand into Rafael's hair and tugs hard. Rafael's jaw drops for a moment, his face slack with pleasure Then, he's sucking again, wet and loud and perfect. "Gonna…" is as far as Sonny gets. He comes in Rafael's mouth and nearly falls over from the rush of orgasm. Sonny watches his dick slip from Rafael's lips and meets his gaze. Rafael looks fucked out and pleased with himself, the satisfied smile on his face shifting to adoration when he realizes Sonny's trying not to fall over.

"Easy," Rafael murmurs, his whisper raspy. He helps Sonny lay down and hums approval when Sonny pulls him in close. 

"Love you," Sonny says. 

"Agreed," Rafael replies. 

Sonny grins and nuzzles into Rafael's hair. He starts to doze off, and Rafael's text notification sound goes off four times in a row. Sonny laughs when Rafael grumbles and buries his face in Sonny's neck. 

"We should have gone to Vegas," Rafael mutters. 

"No, this is great," Sonny replies, and the kiss Rafael presses to his neck tells him they're in agreement still. 

"Thank you," Rafael says, and for the first time in a long time, he doesn't sound sad at himself or mad at the world, or exhausted by work. He sounds content and at peace. 

"You're welcome," Sonny replies, and he hears it in his own voice, the shift from where they've been into someplace new. Someplace they can grow from and stay closer this time. Someplace where, if things go bad again, they'll take better care of each other and themselves. 

"I love you so much," Sonny says, and he grips Rafael's bicep when Rafael hugs him in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a bit short for what I prefer in posting chapters, but the next section will shift the mood out of this moment, and I wanted to keep this moment separate for what it gives the story.


	6. Chapter 6

It takes another half-dozen messages from Rafael's family before they finally get out of bed. They take another shower to rinse off and change into fresh clothes. Rafael checks his watch, glances out at the balcony, and hands Sonny his hat. "I don't think you'll need sunscreen, but the hat's going to help until the sun goes down."

"Sure you can control yourself in public when I wear it?" Sonny asks, making a show of placing it on his head. 

Rafael grins and tugs at the strings that fall under Sonny's chin. He kisses Sonny lightly when Sonny dips his head down. "For a few hours." 

Sonny chuckles and takes the bag Rafael hands him. "I want to spend more time at the market tomorrow," Sonny says. "See more than the front of it."

"I'd like that," Rafael replies. "There's a book stall near the end _Mami_ always visits. I didn't make it that far today."

Sonny looks at the bulging bag in his hand, and then at the bulging bag Rafael is carrying. "I know you need a little cover, but this seems like a lot of stuff."

"Your bag is," Rafael replies. "This one," he holds the bag up as he opens the door to the room, "is mostly a giant revenge parrot."

It takes Sonny a moment to remember their plan to help Fin get back at Munch. He throws back his head and laughs, slinging his arm around Rafael's shoulders without thinking. "You found one already?"

" _Gringos_ love tacky parrot souvenirs. It makes them feel authentic." Rafael presses his hand to Sonny's back for a moment. He doesn't move out from under Sonny's arm. 

It makes Sonny smile and throw his head back to soak in the sun as they step outside. He's been people-watching for the short time they've been here, and everywhere he's looked, physical affection has been open and often. He'd seen as much at Rafael's family's home last night, but it hadn't felt feasiable, to touch Rafael and not have every emotion naked on his face. 

But now, as they walk down the street together, Sonny ducking into Rafael's side when they hit a crowded patch of sidewalk, he feels like anyone looking at him will just see he's happy. 

"Stop smiling," Rafael says in a fond undertone. "You look like an idiot."

"You're smiling," Sonny replies. 

"But I look handsome and swarthy. You look like a glass of milk that grew a face."

Sonny's laugh this time is louder and longer than finding out about the parrot. Rafael throws an arm around his middle and gives him a one-armed hug.

When they arrive at the family home, Carlita and Yedira are sitting on the wide front stoop peeling potatoes. Rafael kisses them each on the cheek. "We brought gifts."

"Lovely," Carlita says. "Why don't you go inside and hand them around? I'm sure Louisa would help." 

Sonny doesn't miss the swift look Carlita gives him, obviously prepared to make an excuse to keep him away so Rafael and Louisa can talk about clandestine topics Sonny may not know about. Sonny figures it's easier not to tell her he knows it all. 

"Need a hand?" Sonny asks, gesturing to the pile of potatoes still to be peeled. "I was on peeling duty by the time I was four." 

"Rafael, get the spare paring knife from the drawer," Carlita says and pats the chair next to her. "And bring a round of beers."

"I fear leaving the three of you alone," Rafael says as he walks into the house. 

"As slow as he's walking, he better fear not getting back with those beers quickly enough," Carlita says. Yerida and Sonny laugh. Carlita hands Sonny a sheet of newspaper and four potatoes. She nods when he places the paper in his lap and drops the potatoes on top of it. "Good, you know what to do with those. But are you better with a paring knife or a peeler?"

"Either's good for me," Sonny says. "Nonna put me to work with the peeler first, but only because my ma was worried I'd cut my thumb off."

"How'd that go?" Yerida asks as she drops a freshly peeled potato into the large bowl by her chair. 

"My hand slipped on my third go, and I ended up with two stitches from gouging my thumb." Sonny looks down at his left thumb. "You can't see the scar anymore, but I refused to use a peeler for awhile after that."

Carlita laughs. "Stubborn," she says with pride. "Good."

"Don't encourage him," Rafael says as he steps back onto the porch with four beers. He holds out two to Carlita and Yerida, and then he walks over and sits on Sonny's far side before passing his along. "He's bad enough as it is."

"How can you tell when you're in the room anyway?" Yerida asks. 

Sonny grins and sips his beer. It's icy cold and light. He sets it down next to his chair and takes the paring knife Rafael holds out. "Do I wanna know where you were keeping this?"

"My shirt pocket," Rafael replies. "And don't say things like that in front of my _tia_. It's rude."

"Yes," Carlita agrees, all false gravitas. "Don't ever say anything in front of the old woman. She has seen and heard nothing her whole life."

Yerida throws back her head and laughs. "Do you remember when Ernesto brought me over the first time?" she asks Carlita. Carlita nods, face shining with glee at the memory. Yerida leans over so she can see Sonny and Rafael. "You weren't here, Rafael. I don't know if you've heard this story."

"Even if I have, I'm sure Sonny hasn't," Rafael says. 

Yerida nods. "Yes. So. I came over with Ernesto after we had been dating for seven months. He had told me so many stories, Sonny. His whole family sounded like the smartest and kindest people I would ever meet--"

"He talked of you in the same way," Carlita says, patting Yerida's knee.

Yerida flashes her a warm smile. "Thank you." She looks back at Sonny. "I walk in, and there is, of course, a meal to get on."

"Of course," Sonny replies. He takes off the last bit of skin on his first potato and looks for a place to put it. He holds the potato out to Rafael. "Find a bowl, will you?"

"In a minute," Rafael says. He takes the potato from Sonny so Sonny can start peeling another. 

"Carlita and Louisa put me to work immediately. I'm peeling plantains in the kitchen with all the women, and one slips from my hands and drops right on my skirt--"

"Her white skirt," Carlita chimes in. "She was trying so hard to make a very good impression."

"I was," Yerida agrees. "But, when you drop a plantain on a white skirt, you can only react on instinct. And I swore. Loudly."

"It is very unladylike to swear," Carlita explains to Sonny. "At least, if you are a traditionalist." She shakes her head and looks up at the porch roof. "Ernesto heard her and came running into the kitchen, already attempting to make apologies for her. And I looked at him--"

"You looked straight through him," Yerida says. 

Carlita laughs. "Yes, I did. I looked straight through him, and I said, 'Ernesto, if you are here to lecture anyone on their language, you can get out of my kitchen and go straight to hell." 

Sonny laughs. "Did you shock him?"

"Oh, terribly," Carlita replies. "It was a blasphemy, you see, not just a swear." She taps the crucifix around her neck. "And he really was a very good young man who never wanted to disappoint anyone." 

"I'm going to find a bowl and remind Ernesto about this story," Rafael says, standing, the potato in one hand. 

"He and your _tio_ were in the garden last I saw," Carlita says. 

Rafael walks back into the house, shouting Ernesto's name as he goes. Sonny can't help leaning back in his chair and taking in the raucous sound of a big, extended family hollering back at Rafael where they last saw the man. 

"Tell me something," Carlita says, and Sonny nods to show he will. "In New York, is he solitary? He tells us he is not, but he does not say much else. Lucia says less, but now, with my sister gone, I worry for them both."

"He has friends," Sonny says. "And my family considers him part of the clan. Lucia as well. She and my mother are close."

"Good," Carlita replies. She looks down at the half-peeled potato in her hand. "When my sister died, the grief they both carried felt so heavy, and I worried it would hurt them. Rafael more than Lucia, possibly." Carlita gives Sonny a small, sad smile. "Lucia, she had her years here in Cuba to teach her about grief, but Rafael…" she looks into the distance. "I was afraid he'd never learned to feel sadness at loss. His father--" she presses her lips together and shakes her head. "Well." 

"I hadn't known him very long when he lost his grandmother," Sonny tells her. "But he's told me stories since, and Lucia's told me stories as well. They smile when they think of her."

"Good," Carlita says. She picks up her potato and goes back to peeling. 

Yerida does the same, though Sonny catches her glancing at Carlita a few times, obviously waiting for her to say something else. He doesn't try to push. He peels his potatoes and takes a few more from the pile. 

A few minutes later, Ernesto comes out from the house, trailed by two grinning cousins near his age. Rafael walks out a few seconds later, a smug grin on his face and a bowl in his hands. 

"I cannot believe you told that story again," Ernesto says to Yerida, though he doesn't sound mad, only fondly exasperated. 

"It is a very funny story," Yerida replies.

"For you," Ernesto says.

"For all of us," Carlita interjects. 

The cousins howl with laughter and thump Ernesto on the back. Rafael sidesteps them and sits next to Sonny again, placing the bowl next to his feet. 

"Thank you," Sonny says, dropping the finished potatoes from his lap to the bowl. 

"You're welcome," Rafael replies. 

One of the cousins steps over to Rafael and speaks rapidly. Sonny doesn't pick up on it all, but he hears the words "wife" and "whipped" and reads the unimpressed furrow between Rafael's eyebrows. Rafael's answer is spoken as quickly, and Sonny picks up "dumbass" and "sexist idiot" without a problem. 

The cousin bristles and says something else, glancing at Ernesto for help. 

"Sonny is fluent, you idiot," Ernesto replies, though the quick, amused twist of his mouth tells Sonny that Ernesto is aware Sonny isn't completely following the conversation.

The cousin freezes, his eyes raking over Sonny in a sharp assessment. Sonny meets his gaze evenly, then leans over to Rafael. <"Which one of the useless cousins is this?"> he asks with a straight-faced stage whisper. 

"A minor Diaz," Rafael replies in English. "Not important." 

"Rafael," Carlita chides with a warning tone. She points her peeler at the cousin when he opens his mouth again. "Unthinking devotion to tradition is the murder of progress, and patriarchal thinking is the worst of all. It harms everyone, even you." 

The cousin sneers. "How?" he asks in English, throwing Sonny a dirty look.

"It makes you unwelcoming to visitors, and I am certain no one here taught you that but yourself." 

"You'd think a bachelor would appreciate seeing another man peel potatoes," Ernesto says. 

"Perhaps this one is spoiled by such a loving family to feed him," the other cousin replies. "If we disinvite him for a week or so, he might have a deeper appreciation for what cooking takes."

The cousin sputters, glares, and storms back into the house. Ernesto grins at Carlita and Yerida, then turns his smile on Sonny. "Not all of the family is as determined to teach new thinking as _tia_ Carlita and _tio_ Alian. Orian's parents were much more traditional." 

"God rest them," says the other cousin. He holds out his hand to Sonny. "My brother and I were not here last night. I am Daniel. Orian is two years younger than me, but his ideas are much older than us both."

"It's nice to meet you," Sonny says, switching the paring knife to his left hand so he can shake Daniel's. "Honestly, you could have told me you were here last night, and I'd have believed you."

Daniel laughs. "You are a detective, yes? I bet you could name us all from memory already."

"Don't be humble," Rafael says before Sonny can reply. "I know you could rattle off everyone alphabetically."

"I have a good memory," Sonny says. "And a large family myself."

Ernesto shakes his head giving Rafael a melodramatic, hangdog look. "Rafael, you bring an Italian man into this house and do not make sure he understands the importance of machismo?"

"I have three older sisters," Sonny says. "They scared it out of me." 

Carlita and Yerida laugh and applaud. "Wonderful!" Yerida says. "I want to meet them."

"Absolutely not," Rafael says, and it's his turn for melodrama. " _Mami_ already considers them her own daughters. I don't need everyone here to adopt them as well."

"Oh, Rafael, as if you could stop us," Carlita replies, and she winks at Sonny when Rafael groans in defeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every family has at least that one (1) asshole. And beyond that, Cuba isn't a queer-friendly place. While I've made Rafael's family progressive and dissident, that doesn't mean the entire family's gonna be on the same wavelength for every subject. He won't be a major plot point because that's not the story I'm writing, but you'll see him again a little bit. 
> 
> On another note: male-to-male physical affection is very common in Cuba. Sonny and Rafael walking down the street as I've described them matches accounts I've read and photos I've seen. It was nice to get to use that bit to give them a moment of closeness.


	7. Chapter 7

They finish with the potatoes a few minutes later and carry them into the house, Sonny trailing after Carlita and Yerida as they lead him to the kitchen at the back. Sonny puts his bowl where he's ordered and means to step out of the way, but the smell of something simmering on the stove catches his attention. <"Rabbit?"> he asks the elderly woman watching the pot.

She nods and keeps watching the pot. Sonny catches the way she tries to look casual as she looks around him, clearly hoping someone will get the _gringo_ away from her. 

<"Smells good,"> Sonny says and makes his way out of the kitchen. 

Rafael is in the dining room, listening to Ernesto tell a story, but he holds up a hand to cut Ernesto short when Sonny sits down. "What are you doing out here? I thought we'd have to remove you from the kitchen by force."

"I don't think I was welcome," Sonny replies with a shrug. "Whoever's making the rabbit--" he cuts off as Ernesto laughs. "What?" Sonny asks. 

"Rabbit's out of season," Ernesto says. "We're not supposed to have it." 

Rafael chuckles. "And Dora doesn't trust white men." 

"Not even if they're your friend?" Sonny asks Rafael.

"She trusts you less _because_ of that," Ernesto says. "She's always thought Rafael is too American."

Rafael stands and gestures for Sonny to follow him. "I'll make a proper introduction. You prepare five things you know about how to cook rabbit. We can win her over."

Sonny follows Rafael back into the kitchen, and does as he's told. Rafael's right. After he makes a proper introduction between them and Sonny mentions how much he enjoys rabbit, he and Dora chat happily about cooking while dinner continues to simmer. When Carlita walks in with a basket of cassava, she smiles to see Sonny slicing the potatoes. "Did our Dora sniff out your kitchen tendencies?" she asks.

<"He likes rabbit,"> Dora says like that explains it. 

Sonny catches the amusement in Carlita's eyes and grins at her. <"I like good food and learning how to make it,"> he says, and the way Dora tucks her chin when she smiles reminds Sonny of his nonna. 

More women come into the kitchen as the meal prep gets more involved. Sonny listens to them chat happily to one another and answers questions when they're directed at him. For the most part, he just goes where he's directed, moving from slicing potatoes to breaking up lettuce for a salad to simply leaning against the counter and sipping a beer as he watches Dora move the rabbit around the pan. 

<"Okay, you've done more than enough,"> Carlita says as Dora begins piling the rabbit on a large platter. <"Go sit at the table and be a guest.">

Sonny toasts her with his beer and makes a show of bowing out of the room to make the women laugh. 

Rafael and Ernesto are still at the table, but it's Rafael talking this time, saying something urgent in Spanish in a low voice. Sonny picks up the unmistakable sound of Latin legalese as he takes his seat. 

"Do I want to know?" he asks. 

"Not right now," Rafael says and goes back into the conversation. 

Sonny doesn't try to follow. Instead, he watches Ernesto's face, the way he seems to concentrate on every word Rafael says and commit it to memory. There's more Latin legalese, then names that are clearly case law. But it's not case law Sonny knows. It piques his interest, and he focuses more on what Rafael is saying. Rafael rattles off more case law, and Sonny realizes what he's hearing. He doesn't know these cases because they're important to _Cuban_ laws, not American laws. 

The women start bringing out the food before Sonny can ask what the hell is going on. Rafael raises his voice and switches to telling Ernesto about visiting the market as the rest of the family comes from various places in the house to sit down for dinner. 

"We're going to be talking about that," Sonny says in an undertone as they bow their heads for the blessing. 

"I don't doubt it," Rafael replies. 

Dinner is as boisterous and engaging as it was the night before. Ernesto and Yerida keep up a steady stream of chatter, and Sonny sees Louisa and Jorge halfway down the table. They holler hello at him, and Sonny returns it. 

When Dora walks around the table doling out seconds, she puts a large cut of rabbit on Sonny's plate before he can refuse it. <"You are a stick. Rabbits eat sticks,"> she says. Everyone within earshot laughs, and Sonny joins in. He eats the new piece of meat slowly, aware it's a gift, a way for Dora to let him know she likes him. 

The easy cadence of dessert stops short when Rafael tells Ernesto he and Sonny won't be joining the family for dinner or anything else for a few days. The burst of noisy argument that nearly knocks the roof off the house has Sonny laughing so hard he nearly cries. He _does_ laugh so hard he cries when Rafael isn't cowed in the least as he argues with at least four people in Spanish. 

Sonny wipes the tears from his eyes and pushes back from the table so that he can lean back in his chair and enjoy the show. He watches Rafael's relatives as much as he watches Rafael, and he finds himself laughing again when he sees that Dora and Rafael make the same slashing motion with their hands as they negotiate exactly how much time Rafael and Sonny are expected to spend at the house. 

"Are you following along?"

Sonny turns to find Louisa shooing a cousin out of his seat so she can sit next to Sonny. "Some," he says. "They're negotiating meals, it sounds like."

"Yes." Louisa rests her chin on her fist and watches the argument continue. "It's rare Dora demands more time with him." She flashes Sonny a grin. "She must like you."

Sonny grins in return. "Is that good or bad?"

Louisa shrugs. "Neither, really. But the rest of the family will note it." She glances down the table. "Orian especially. He adores Dora. They share some ideas on how things should be done."

Sonny peeks over her shoulder. Orian is sitting next to Alian, and he's watching the argument the same as everyone else. Alian catches Sonny's eye and shakes his head in the universal sign for "family, huh?" Sonny smiles in return. 

"Does she know I'm…" Sonny searches for the right word, " _here_ with Rafael?"

"I'm sure _Tio_ Alian told her."

"Did he tell you?"

 

"No. Alian handed that to Ernesto to share with the rest of us." Louisa smirks. "Training up the next generation, you see."

"I see," Sonny replies, thinking of his father putting him to work passing family news among the cousins when he was younger. There's a sudden quiet in the room, and Sonny turns to check on Rafael and Dora. They're hugging, Dora saying something in Rafael's ear, and Rafael nodding. The other family who had been yelling have taken Dora's cue and gone silent. 

"Who won?" Sonny asks.

"I'm not sure," Louisa replies. "I suppose you'll find out on the way to the hotel." She beams and gives Sonny a quick hug. "We'll see you in a few days."

Sonny returns the hug. "Take care," he says as he stands. 

"We'll be back in four days," Rafael tells Louisa. "With laundry."

Louisa laughs. "Of course." She hugs Rafael and then shoves them both lightly on the back. "Go out the side door. You'll be here another hour if you try to go out the front."

Rafael leads the way to the side door, which is in a little alcove in the kitchen. He pauses before he opens the door, glancing back into the big dining room. The light from the dining room slants across his face, and Sonny watches Rafael's eyes go soft and warm as he looks at a roomful of people who had tried to yell him into visiting more. 

"You're wanted, you know," Sonny says quietly.

Rafael turns to look at him. He tilts his chin up just a bit, not quite asking for a kiss. "I know," he says. He slides his arm around Sonny's waist as they step out into the evening air. 

Sonny hooks his arm around Rafael's neck and pulls him close, fighting the urge to press a kiss to his cheek as they step onto the sidewalk. "So, what are we doing the next few days while we don't see your family?"

"I want to show you more of the city," Rafael says. "Places I've always gone to. I thought you'd want to see some of the beach. Maybe a few more markets."

"Sounds great," Sonny replies. "We could do that and still drop in on your family, though."

Rafael chuckles. His arm tightens around Sonny for a moment. "You sound like them. But I don't want the entire vacation to revolve around their schedule. I want…" he trails off. 

"Me, too," Sonny replies when Rafael stays quiet. 

"I didn't say _what_ I wanted," Rafael says, the fondness in his voice making Sonny chuckle quietly. 

"Time together," Sonny says. "Low-stress, high-enjoyment time like we haven't had in awhile."

"Yes," Rafael agrees, and the soft pleasure in his voice makes Sonny wish, again, that he could kiss him on this quiet street. 

*

When they get into their room, Sonny pulls Rafael to him slowly, brushing their noses together before kissing Rafael as softly and lovingly as he can. Rafael returns the kiss and slides his hands up Sonny's back like he's learning him all over again. They kiss and they touch, and Sonny doesn't know how much time has passed when they finally pull away from each other. 

"Come to bed," Rafael says in a whisper. 

"Yes," Sonny agrees. 

Rafael turns his back to Sonny and pulls Sonny's arm around his middle. Sonny presses a kiss to the back of Rafael's head and sighs in contentment when Rafael relaxes against him. "Let's get up late tomorrow," Rafael says. "Or whatever late is for us."

"I'm happy to find out," Sonny replies. "We might even sleep until nine."

"Wow. Nine."

Sonny chuckles and presses another kiss into Rafael's hair. He has to lift his free hand and smooth a few hairs away from his mouth when he pulls away. "Your hair's getting long. For you, I mean." 

Rafael squeezes Sonny's hand tightly. "I used to wear it longer. Closer to how Ernesto wears his."

"I've seen the pictures," Sonny says. "It was a good look on you." He knows he's handing Rafael an easy line, but he also knows what Rafael's not saying. That his shorter haircut was part of his uniform as a DA. 

"Everything's a good look on me," Rafael says, and when he squeezes Sonny's hand this time, it's softer. 

Sonny smiles into Rafael's hair. "Go to sleep," he says. 

"I love you," Rafael replies. 

"I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This very long pause brought to you by endometriosis. If your period is the fucking worst, look it up and yell at your doctor.


	8. Chapter 8

Sonny wakes up facing the clock on the nightstand. It's seven thirty-six. Before he can roll over, Rafael slides an arm around his waist and presses a kiss to the back of his neck. "How long you been up?" Sonny asks, sighing out a breath when Rafael throws a leg over his hip. 

"Six fifty-three."

Sonny chuckles. "We're bad at sleeping in."

Rafael hums in agreement. He kisses Sonny's neck again, then noses into his hair. "I haven't watched you sleep in a long time."

Sonny laces his fingers with Rafael's, where they're splayed on his stomach. He doesn't say anything. Rafael's tone is contemplative, like he's been mulling things over. 

"It was nice," Rafael continues. "Just, getting to see you...relaxed."

"That's how I feel seeing you here," Sonny says. "Watching you with your family."

"I feel like I can breathe again." 

Sonny turns over at that. "How long have you felt like you can't breathe?" 

Rafael breathes out slowly and pulls Sonny a little closer. "Awhile."

"How long is awhile?"

"Awhile."

"Rafael."

Rafael sighs and runs his hand up and down Sonny's back. "Months. A year. Maybe more. I don't know. I can't pinpoint when it happened."

Sonny cups Rafael's jaw, the beard prickly against his skin. "But you can breathe now, you're saying? You feel better?"

"Yeah." Rafael turns his cheek into Sonny's palm, closing his eyes like he's trying to memorize the feel of it. "I was thinking before you woke up, trying to figure out when I...when my work became a burden rather than a challenge. And I don't know, but it did."

"I have those days, too," Sonny says. "Seems like lately, there's more of them than not."

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." Sonny smiles when Rafael tugs him so they're even closer, sharing the same pillow with Rafael's breath warm on Sonny's collarbones. 

"I did not mean to wake you up with this conversation," Rafael says. 

Sonny kisses the top of his head. "I'm fine. It's nice, actually. I can't think of the last time we woke up together and had the energy to talk to each other."

"Christ, it's been…" Rafael shakes his head. Sonny squirms. "What?"

"It's nothing. Your beard."

"Oh." Rafael raises his head. "Is it looking scraggly?"

"No. It suits you." Sonny scratches his fingers through it. "I can't believe it's a full beard already. I can grow one, but not as fast as you."

"The curse of the _gringo_ ," Rafael says with a grin. He looks at Sonny's jaw, clearly trying to picture a beard. "I can't see it," he says. "I don't doubt you, but I can't see it. All I can see is that moustache." 

"Yeah, I bit myself in the ass with that one, didn't I?" Sonny grins when Rafael chuckles. "I had one when I worked Vice. A beard, I mean. Way easier to get some rando to sell you drugs when you don't look like you just got done learning your catechism."

"You still look like--"

"Shaddup." Sonny smiles into Rafael's hair and lets Rafael push him onto his back. 

"Look at you," Rafael sighs, giving Sonny a long once-over. "You've tanned a little."

"Yeah?" Sonny looks down, and he can see the faint markings where his shirt sleeves have ended and his bare arms have been showing. "Good thing I listened you to about the sunblock. I'd be roasted otherwise."

Rafael kisses Sonny's collarbone and trails a hand down his side. "We should go to the beach," he murmurs. 

"Got a favorite?"

"The ones I went to growing up got swallowed up by the resorts." Rafael rests his chin on Sonny's pec and looks at him with half-closed eyes. "A couple places let you pay a day rate to use the beachfront. You can order food, too. Might be worth dealing with screaming kids to see you in the ocean." 

Sonny grins and combs a hand through Rafael's hair. "Same to you, and I've got a way higher tolerance for screaming kids."

"Show off," Rafael mutters and nuzzles against Sonny's ribs. 

Sonny shouts a laugh. "Ticklish!" he yelps. "Beard! Ticklish!" He laughs harder when Rafael doubles his efforts for a moment before pushing up on his forearms and letting Sonny catch his breath. "Let's go to the beach," Sonny says when he can speak again. 

Rafael cups Sonny's half-hard dick and leans down to lick a nipple. "We'll get there," he says. "It's still early."

Sonny presses up into Rafael's hand and throws his head back against the pillow when Rafael switches nipples and bites lightly. "Yeah," he breathes out. "We'll get there."

Rafael sets a slow pace with a tantalizing stroke to Sonny's shaft and open-mouthed, almost ghost-light kisses to Sonny's torso. It reminds Sonny of the first time he'd stayed over at Rafael's. They'd woken up in the weak light of just-after-dawn, and Rafael had rolled Sonny onto his back and tasted and touched him just like this. 

Except. Now there's no hesitation when Rafael squeezes gently at his balls. Rafael knows he likes it. And Rafael takes his time sucking lightly just under Sonny's ribs and on his hipbones--places where just enough pressure is a fantastic, warm tease but too much makes him squirm.

Sonny responds in kind, cupping the back of Rafael's head not to direct him, but to hold him close like they both like. He carefully rakes his nails down Rafael's bicep, just enough for Rafael to really feel it but not enough to leave a mark. When Rafael nudges at Sonny's thigh, Sonny lifts his leg so Rafael can tuck in under, and Sonny stretches his other leg out wide, giving Rafael as much room as possible to do whatever he wants. 

What he wants, it seems, is to pull Sonny apart with careful kisses. First on his balls, then up his shaft. He shifts from there to concentrate on kissing the crease where Sonny's legs meet his groin. When Sonny tries to shift him back towards his dick with the leg over Rafael's shoulder, Rafael grabs Sonny's thigh just above the knee, and presses down hard, holding him in place as he continues to kiss as lightly and thoroughly as he has been. 

"Fuck," Sonny whispers. He manages a shaky laugh when he feels Rafael smile against his inner thigh. "Cocky asshole." 

Rafael replies by slowly, slowly, _slowly_ trailing his mouth from Sonny's thigh, to his knee, and then up again. And then over--even _more slowly_ \--to Sonny's dick again. Sonny can't help laughing a second time. Rafael's pleased hum when he does makes Sonny grip tight at his hair and try to move him where he wants. Sometimes, that works. Sometimes, Rafael gives in because it's much more fun to speed up and drive Sonny out of his mind faster.

Right now is not one of those times. Rafael stays exactly where he is, lips just brushing the big vein on Sonny's dick. He doesn't even move when Sonny grunts in frustration and tries to get leverage by thrusting his hips. Rafael's one step ahead of him, his left hand still curled tight on the leg over his shoulder, and his right pressed firmly into Sonny's thigh, leaving him unable to get any real movement no matter how he tries. 

"Cocky. Fucking. Asshole." Sonny grits out.

"You fucking love it," Rafael replies, and the kiss he trails up Sonny's dick is just a hint harder, a hint heavier, a promise that Rafael's about to show Sonny exactly why he puts up with this sort of teasing. 

Sonny relaxes back into the bed and even lets go of Rafael's hair, throwing both arms up over his head and meeting Rafael's sharp, pleased look with one of his own. "Yeah, I fucking love it," Sonny replies. "Show off for me." 

"What the hell have I been doing?" Rafael doesn't give Sonny time to answer. He slides his mouth over the head of Sonny's dick and sucks hard and deep. He tongues the jutting edge of Sonny's glans when Sonny moans, and he lowers his head in a measured movement that makes Sonny clench his eyes shut so he doesn't over-excite himself watching. 

It does nothing to stop Sonny feeling every point of contact like it's a separate moment. Rafael's fingers digging into his thigh. His right hand cupping and rolling Sonny's balls. His beard prickling against his shaft and his groin like a thousand tiny sparks to start a fire.

Rafael's tongue presses hard against the vein in Sonny's dick, and he bobs his head smoothly as he takes in more and more of Sonny, a little at a time. Sonny rolls his hips without thinking, and this time, Rafael loosens his hold, shifting his left hand so it's splayed along Sonny's outer thigh rather than holding him in place. Sonny takes the invitation and presses up harder. Rafael meets him and ups his suction, shifts so he's running his tongue over and over and over Sonny's cockhead. 

Sonny feels Rafael swallow, and he throws an arm over his mouth to quiet his yell. When Rafael shifts so he can take Sonny in just that tiny bit more, slides his hand from Sonny's balls to press against his opening, adjusts his left hand so he's gripping Sonny's leg again, but holding it up so he can get the angle he wants, Sonny sputters a warning, bucks arhythmically a few times, and comes so hard his vision whites out for a moment. 

He lays in a haze, hands opening and closing loosely as Rafael sits up and jerks himself off, staring at Sonny the whole time. He comes over Sonny's chest and falls forward, barely catching himself with his clean hand. Sonny pulls him in close and turns them sideways, catching his breath as he presses kisses to Rafael's temple and ear and cheek. Rafael lets out a soft laugh. 

"I didn't want to take it easy," he says. 

It takes Sonny another moment to realize he's been murmuring reassurances in Rafael's ear. "It's okay. Take it easy. You did great. It's okay." He laughs along with Rafael nuzzles into his beard. "Christ, you fucked me so good, I short-circuited."

"I live to please." To call Rafael's tone 'smug' wouldn't do it justice. Sonny doesn't call it anything at all. He kisses the feel of that pride off Rafael's mouth and gets them both upright to start for the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! We fucked the endo right off by removing it. Then I was on the very good painkillers. And now I'm mostly healed. General endo symptoms have fucked off. Hurray!
> 
> I will be trying to focus more on this story. I really do love it, but it wasn't supposed to be this long. Usually when this happens, I don't work on it for awhile, and the rest comes out, but I posted this one basically as soon as I started it, and well, that's why I don't usually do that. Anyway. It is still live in my head.
> 
> SO TUMBLR SHIT THE BED: Yeah? Yeah. I'll spare you the forty-paragraph diatribe of this shithattery and just tell you that the best way to keep up with me fannishly now is twitter. I'm at @GaylePerpetual.


	9. Chapter 9

They get to the resort beach just after nine, and it's already half-full of people. Sonny lets Rafael discuss rates with the resort staff, and by the time he's done, they have a cabana with lounge chairs, a pile of towels, and a phone that rings directly to the kitchen so they can place food orders. 

"I'd have been happy under an umbrella," Sonny says. He grins when Rafael snorts in disbelief. "What? I would."

Rafael leads them into the cabana. "First, you'd be burned to a crisp in an hour. Second, what sort of sugar daddy would I be if I didn't get my boytoy a cabana?"

Sonny stops short, one foot on the wooden floor of the cabana. "WHAT."

Rafael grins. It's the same cocky grin he'd given Sonny during sex. "You look thirty, and you're in very tight shorts."

Sonny glances down. "Well, yeah, but they're for swimming. Cutting water resistance." He looks up, and Rafael's grin has widened. "I wear them to the gym for fuck's sake."

"Look around you. You see anyone else worried about cutting water resistance?"

Sonny glances up and down the beach. There are a few speedos, but it's mostly board shorts. He's the only one--as far as he can see--who's wearing his style of trunks. "Okay, but that doesn't mean I look young. I'm graying, Rafael."

"Not in this sunlight," Rafael replies. He sits on a lounge chair and tucks his hands behind his head. He's wearing an off-white linen shirt, deep orange trunks, and aviator shades. His beard highlights the shape of his jaw, and his biceps are on display from how he's sitting. "Like what you see?" he asks.

"Should you be teasing me like this?" Sonny asks, hands on his hips as he watches Rafael watch him. "We could be overheard."

"All-inclusive means _all-inclusive_. A lot of us queers like to visit the beaches and not worry about getting thrown in jail. As long as I'm not grabbing your ass when we walk out the front gate, no one's going to ask any questions."

"Hmmm," Sonny says like he's considering the point, but he knows Rafael is right. That's how things work in places with nice beaches and bad human rights policy. The companies can pay off the government, and they'll look the other way. "I guess I can trust you." He leans over and kisses Rafael quick on the mouth, then pulls back and yanks his tank top over his head. "Think I'll go for a swim."

"Feel free to recreate that Daniel Craig James Bond scene as long as you're wearing those," Rafael says, his grin notching into a leer as he takes in Sonny's trunks again.

"Order us some water," Sonny replies. "And something with more rum than good ideas."

"You tourist," Rafael says with a scoff, even though he picks up the phone as he says it. 

Sonny walks to the water, enjoying the warmth of the sand on his feet as he goes. The beach is filling up even more than it was when they arrived, but the actual number of people in the water is still fairly low. Sonny takes advantage, wading up to his waist, then diving down to get soaked head to toe. He swims a few yards out and finds himself up to his shoulders. When he glances back towards the beach, he can't see Rafael through the growing crowd. The line of cabanas is set farther back than the general beach goers to give a sense of privacy. Sonny briefly considers going back to shore, drawing the gauzy curtains, and giving back as good as he got this morning. But he knows it's a bad idea. For one, people will be able to see them through the curtains. For another, Rafael will decide to one-up him on anything he does today.

Sonny smiles at the idea and lifts his legs so he's floating on his back. He stares at the blue-blue sky. He makes sure to stay within easy reach of the other swimmers making it out as far as he is but other than that, he lets his mind wander.

He thinks about the last couple of years, runs the highlight reel of the good and the bad through his head, and he sends up a thankful prayer that he and Rafael weathered it, somehow. Where their ability to communicate failed, they held together out of love and--Sonny's realistic--probably some overgrown stubbornness. 

He stares at the blue-blue sky and gathers up all the threads of sorrow he's been carrying for a good, long time. He wraps them around each other, makes a ball, and throws it towards the blue-blue sky, imagining the threads unattaching from each other and becoming wispy clouds, the kind that never build into anything that can cause harm. 

He drops his legs and treads water for a couple of minutes, letting his thoughts stack themselves back together. Then, he swims parallel to the shore for a few laps, enjoying the pull of the water and the sound of the surf. When he pauses to check his location, he's not surprised the water is getting full. He crawl strokes until his feet touch bottom and slowly makes his way to the shore, enjoying the sights and sounds of people enjoying their own vacations. 

When he gets back to the cabana, Rafael's removed his shirt and is reading a tattered paperback with one hand while holding a slice of pineapple in the other. There's a bucket of bottled waters and an entirely too-large fruit platter on the table behind the lounge chairs.

"I requested something made with rum," Sonny says, "and where did you find a book?"

"Concierge service at its finest," Rafael says, waving the book. "And if you press the button next to the phone, they'll bring the drinks now."

Sonny walks over to the phone and sees the button. It's red and labeled 'BRING ORDER.' "That's weird." He presses the button. 

"It's so your booze isn't watered down because you're in the water," Rafael explains.

Sonny shakes his head. "So what? You're on a white sand beach with perfect water temperature. A slightly watery drink isn't even a problem." He picks up a small plate next to the fruit platter and piles on strawberries, pineapple, and cantaloupe. There's also honeydew, blueberries, and banana.

"I already noticed there's not actual Cuban fruit on the platter except pineapple," Rafael says without looking up from his book. His smile carries without Sonny needing to see his face. 

"This is an insult to locally sourced food. How many mango trees have we passed just walking around?"

"It's a resort. No one's here for local culture," Rafael replies. "Grab me a water?"

"Sure." Sonny grabs two waters by their lids and carries them over, handing one to Rafael. He sits in his lounge chair and puts the plate on the side table next to his left arm. He opens the water and drinks half the bottle in a few, quick gulps. When he screws the cap back on, he catches Rafael looking at him. "What?"

Rafael looks for a few seconds more. "You look more relaxed."

"I feel it," Sonny replies, swinging his legs onto his lounge chair. He looks over when Rafael holds out another tattered paperback. "What's this?"

"I don't want to be alone reading Grisham," Rafael says.

"Then get better taste," Sonny replies, taking the book from Rafael's hand. It's not Grisham--Sonny can't stand him, and Rafael knows that. Instead, it's Ann Rule. Sonny grins. Rafael doesn't mind Ann Rule, but if Rafael's weakness is Grisham's over-detailed legal proceedings, Sonny's as weak for Rule's matter-of-fact and sometimes cutting breakdown of major serial killer cases. "Oh, hey, the I-5 Killer. This is a classic."

"I don't think you know what that words means." 

Before Sonny can retort, a waiter walks up to the front of the cabana with a literal fishbowl of something bright blue and smelling so strongly of rum, Sonny can smell it from his lounge chair. It's half-buried in a larger, clear bowl full of ice. The waiter has a small, folded table over one arm.

"I've got a Mermaid fishbowl for cabana 217," the waiter says.

"That's us," Rafael replies with a shit-eating grin. "Just between the lounges, please."

"Of course." The waiter snaps out the folded table one handed and placed it precisely between the chairs. He sets the fishbowl on it and hands a small clipboard to Rafael. "Would you like to keep your tab open, sir?" 

"Yes, thank you." Rafael signs his name, and the waiter leaves with a nod towards both of them. 

"What the ever loving fuck." Sonny whispers. He leans in to look closer at the bowl. "There are gummy fish in here."

"You said you wanted something with rum in it. This is the biggest one they had."

Sonny looks up from the lurid blue of the drink and catches the twitch of Rafael's mouth that says he's holding back a smile. "Better call your family for bail money. We hit the bottom of this, I'll be the one grabbing your ass when we leave today."

Rafael laughs, maybe more than the joke deserves, but he's loose and happy, so clearly enjoying this moment and his ability to surprise Sonny.

Sonny stands and walks over to him, catching the end of Rafael's laugh in a kiss. "I love you like this," he says when he's pulled away.

Rafael watches him. "Me, too," Rafael says. "And I love you like this." He combs Sonny's damp hair away from his forehead and touches Sonny's lips with his fingertips. "I know we'll never be relaxed like this all the time, but there was a time I was worried we'd never be this relaxed again."

"Me, too," Sonny says. He kisses Rafael once more, then glances over his shoulder. He looks back at Rafael, judging the width of the lounge chair. "You know, I think we can fit in one together, if you want." He waggles one of the extra-long bendy straws in the fishbowl at Rafael. "They'll both reach over here."

"It's a little warm to cuddle, isn't it?"

"We'll swim later if we get too warm," Sonny says. "I didn't get to do my Daniel Craig impression for you."

Rafael grins and pecks a kiss to Sonny's chin as he moves over so there's room for two in the chair. "That's true."

Sonny hands Rafael his plate of fruit, and then his water. He picks up his book and slides in next to Rafael, making sure to angle both bendy straws towards them. 

"I really don't think we need two," Rafael says. 

Sonny takes a hit off the drink, using both straws. "Gets you drunk in half the time." He can't help but pull a face as the sweetness of the drink hits him. 

"How bad?" Rafael asks, grinning again. 

"It's like a lemon drop and a melon ball fucked on a pile of gummy bears," Sonny says.

Rafael tries it for himself, and the face he pulls makes Sonny laugh. "That is exactly what it tastes like," he agrees. He takes a long pull from his water bottle and hands it to Sonny so he can do the same. "But we're drinking it anyway."

"Fuck yes, we are," Sonny agrees. "We're on vacation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anything about renting beach space at resorts, but it seems like it's something that could happen. Basically, it wasn't research-worthy, and I took the freebie. 
> 
> I have never had the fishbowl of rum, but given the blue comes from blue caraco (??spelling??), I am basing the taste of previous experience that I hope to never repeat.
> 
> Ann Rule was the goddamn queen of true crime, and her books hold up so well. Grisham's never written a book that's not a brick, and that's all I'll say about that.


	10. Chapter 10

They spend an hour shoulder-to-shoulder in the chair, only getting up to retrieve more fruit and water as they work their way down the fishbowl. The quiet, still coziness they've built is cut short when one side of the half-closed cabana curtains gets yanked aside and a toddler in a sandy diaper stares at them before letting out a screech that makes Sonny instinctively reach towards the holster he's not wearing. 

"WHAT THE HELL?" Rafael yells, and the toddler goes quiet, looking surprised someone can be louder than him. 

"Hey, buddy," Sonny says into the silence, smiling at the toddler. "You lost?"

The toddler points out towards the ocean. "Water," he says.

"That's right," Sonny agrees, standing up and walking over to the kid. "Do you know what this is?" He points to the sand.

"Sand," the toddler says. 

"That's good! You're smart!" Sonny gives the kid a big grin, and the kid returns it. 

"Kayden! Oh, thank god!" A woman rushes up behind the toddler--Kayden--and scoops him up. He immediately lets out another screech. "I'm so sorry!" she shouts over the screech. "I turned around for two seconds--"

"No problem," Sonny replies. He reaches out and taps Kayden on the nose. The kid stops screeching, mouth still open. "Works on my niece," he tells the woman. "As long as she's just making noise to make noise."

"That's him all over," the woman says, giving Kayden a long-suffering look. Kayden doesn't notice. He's busy grabbing at her large, beaded necklace and smacking it against her chest. 

"Which cabana are you in?" Sonny asks. "In case he tries to escape again."

"Oh, we're in number--"

"MARIAH! HOW COULD YOU?!"

Sonny starts at the shout, his protective instinct going sharp again. Rafael's at his side suddenly, one hand firm on Sonny's back. 

"Someone's gonna demand to talk to the manager," Rafael says in an undertone as a woman in a bright blue one-piece and a sarong stamped with the resort's name in a cluster of questionably matched fonts comes stomping up to the edge of the cabana. She snatches Kayden from Mariah's arms and glares. 

"I TOLD YOU YOU HAVE TO WATCH HIM. YOU KNOW HE LIKES TO ESCAPE."

Mariah opens her mouth to speak, but the woman keeps going. 

"WHAT IS THE POINT OF PAYING EXTRA FOR THE NANNY SERVICE IF YOU CAN'T EVEN KEEP A BABY'S ATTENTION. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE TRYING TO RELAX."

"So's everyone else on the beach," Rafael says in the guileless tone he uses when he's getting ready to wind someone up. Sonny nudges him in the ribs. Rafael ignores him. "And you're being sort of loud. And rude."

The woman turns her glare to Rafael. "Excuse you," she says. "You need to mind your own business."

"I will when you stop yelling at this nice woman and get away from my cabana."

She switches her glare from Rafael to Sonny, then up to their cabana. "This is one of those by-the-day cabanas, not one you rent for a stay. You aren't even staying here."

"We're staying somewhere nicer," Sonny says. He can't help it. This woman's attitude is reminding him of his own family vacations when he was a kid, the way that certain people would look at his parents and Sonny and his sisters and sneer a bit because they were obviously traveling on a budget. He knows Rafael is likely remembering the same sort of treatment, and that makes him want to dig in a little more. "Although, I don't think we have an on-call nanny service. That's a pretty nice perk."

"A very nice perk if you need it," Rafael replies. "Especially with what resort workers get paid."

"Can you imagine getting childcare that cheap in the States? I think Liv and Rollins would cry with happiness."

"Especially if they could get it on a beach so _they_ could relax while someone else took the responsibility of keeping up with a toddler on the beach."

"My sister," Sonny says to Mariah, completely ignoring the mother who is making aborted attempts to take back the conversation. "She's got my niece, right? Takes her to Coney Island just after she learned to walk, so not even as mobile as this kiddo here--" Sonny taps Kayden's nose again, and Kayden beams and claps his hands. The mother tries to sputter something indignant. "Just barely walking--"

"Wobbling, really," Rafael says.

Sonny points at him. "Yeah, wobbling. So, she's wobbling, and they're pretty far up the beach, and my sister looks into her bag to get more sunscreen. She's one of those super-organized moms, so she has it out of the bag in five seconds. Looks back, and my niece is just," Sonny raises his half-closed fists and dramatically opens his hands. "Poof. Gone."

"Ten feet in five seconds," Rafael adds. "Then she fell flat on her face and didn't make a noise."

"She was fine," Sonny says. "But my sister was terrified for a few seconds, like I'm sure you were when Kayden here got past you." He turns to poke Kayden lightly in the belly to see if he can get a laugh. 

"DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM." The mother yanks Kayden as far away as she can without taking a step backwards. "And how _dare_ you encourage her lazy behavior! Your sister must be a terrible mother!"

"What the fuck did you just--"

<"How much do you make in a day?"> Rafael asks, pressing a hand to Sonny's chest in a gesture telling him not to yell. Sonny quiets down, curious what Rafael is up to. 

<"Eight pesos,"> Mariah replies. 

<"Eight pesos,"> Rafael repeats and walks into the cabana. "Give me a second!" he calls over his shoulder. 

"WHAT IS GOING ON?" the mother yells. 

<"Do you enjoy your work when this sort of thing isn't happening?"> Sonny asks Mariah. 

<"Yes,"> she says, and she smiles for the first time since she'd found Kayden. <"Even right now I like it because he is a sweet boy. It's made it easier to deal with the parents.">

<"I'm sure the kids appreciate you, too,"> Sonny says.

Rafael comes out of the cabana and holds out a yellow piece of paper to Mariah. <"I called up to the concierge. Give him this, and he'll put it on our tab. He's also already called this woman's cabana and informed her husband you are off-duty effective immediately."

Mariah takes the paper, and her eyes widen at the number. <"Oh, my goodness! No! I can't--">

<"I'm American, but I'm Cuban,"> Rafael says. <"My mother runs a school now, but when she first moved to the States, she was a nanny, and she had stories like what just happened here--"> Rafael cuts the mother a hard glare. The mother jerks her head back in surprise. <"I'm sure there are many people who treat you well at this job, but I want to help you get away from one who isn't.">

Mariah looks at the piece of paper again, then throws her arms around Rafael's neck and hugs him tight. <"Thank you! Oh, thank you! I'll go right now!"> She pulls away, kisses Rafael on the cheek, waves goodbye to Sonny, and runs up the beach towards the resort.

"WHAT THE HELL!" the mother yells. 

"Oh, right. You're here," Rafael says. "Mariah will no longer be your nanny. The concierge will be sending someone to your cabana immediately. That person--I didn't get her name, sorry--has been informed that if you verbally or otherwise assault her, she is to inform the concierge, and he will make certain you are charged double the rate you paid for a nanny for your trip."

"HOW DARE--"

"And if I call and tell them that you've further verbally assaulted myself or my partner, they'll revoke your cabana privileges."

The mother snaps her mouth shut. She turns several shades of red. Kayden had handled this entire outburst with no sign of concern, and Sonny wishes for a moment he could get the kid alone and ask if his mommy yells a lot.

"I will be speaking to the manager about you," the mother hisses through her teeth before turning and stomping off.

"Wow." Sonny says. He turns towards Rafael, ready to make a joke, but Rafael's still watching the mother stomp away. "What is it?"

"There's no way I can get that kid a break from her," Rafael says with a sigh. "I tried to come up with something, but--"

"Hey, you did great!" Sonny says, pulling Rafael in close and kissing his forehead. "We've got no proof she's bad to the kid. She could just be a dick to the help. But you found a way to fix that." Sonny hugs Rafael for a moment. "And it was really hot to watch you do that."

Rafael laughs, and Sonny can tell the slight downswing on his mood has already lifted. "It was pretty great."

"How much did it cost you, anyway?" Sonny asks. 

"Nothing but what I gave Mariah. I implied to the concierge that I was a human rights attorney in Cuba to evaluate if I needed to set up shop down here for awhile."

Sonny stares at Rafael. "You did not."

Rafael grins. "Oh, I did. He didn't want to believe me at first, but I quoted some notable case law at him."

That pings something in Sonny's memory from last night. "Cuban case law, right? Like what you were discussing last night?"

Rafael's smile softens. "Yeah," he says. "You picked up on that?"

"I didn't recognize any of the case names, but the laws you were discussing _did_ sound familiar, and I realized it wouldn't make sense for Ernesto to have US case law to fall back on."

"You're amazing," Rafael says, his eyes bright. "I ever tell you that?"

"From time to time," Sonny replies. "I'm just a guy who picks up details. You're the one who has another country's case law in his head."

Rafael shrugs. "It's no different than learning US law. And it lets me help even if I'm not here in person."

"You keep talking like that, I'm gonna take you back into the cabana and fuck you in front of anyone who walks past."

Rafael laughs and takes a half-step away from Sonny. He grabs Sonny's hand and pulls him lightly towards the water. "Maybe later. Right now, I could use a swim. And you still owe me that Daniel Craig impression."

"Lead the way," Sonny says and happily follows as Rafael weaves them through the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The average Cuban income appears to be somewhere between $25 and $50 a month from what information I could find. 
> 
> Fun fact: Resort employees are paid WAY less than you would expect for people who have to put up with other people's entitled bullshit on likely a daily basis.
> 
> So, Mariah making eight pesos a day seemed about right given the general pay scale in Cuba, and I imagine she'd make a little more for being a nanny.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter exists because I read quite a few message boards about staying at all-inclusive resorts, and WOW. There's some assholes on there.


	11. Chapter 11

The water is even more crowded than when Sonny left it over an hour ago. He and Rafael have to carefully pick their way around families and kids and a few dogs to find a clear path to get deeper into the water. 

Sonny turns to Rafael when they're finally a few feet clear of the bulk of the crowd. "Do you wa--AHHH!" He barely manages to close his mouth before Rafael's sneak tackle has him underwater. He comes up sputtering and shoving his hair out of his face. 

Rafael is a few feet away. He grins when Sonny glares at him, and then he ducks under the water and swims away. 

Sonny gives chase, cutting through the water with a crawl stroke in the direction Rafael had disappeared. When Rafael pops up to catch his breath, Sonny dives down and gets him around the knees before he escapes. Rafael goes sideways but doesn't fully go under. He flails an arm at Sonny's head to try to get him to let go, but Sonny pushes himself down, worms his fingers under Rafael's feet, and knocks Rafael off-balance from there. 

"Cheating!" Rafael yells when he gets back to the surface. "Who tickles someone to dunk them?"

"The guy who had two asshole older sisters," Sonny replies. He laughs when Rafael splashes him. "Although, I can't take full credit. Bella came up with it first."

Rafael shakes his head and splashes Sonny again. "You're ridiculous."

"Yeah, yeah," Sonny replies, beaming as widely as Rafael when Rafael reels in to kiss him. Sonny wants to simply enjoy the kiss, but his asshole-sister honed instincts won't let him give up an easy opening to dunk Rafael again. He hooks a foot behind Rafael's knee and presses hard to make him drop. Rafael grabs him around the hips and dead weights, taking Sonny down with him. 

"Ernesto taught me that," Rafael says when they've both surfaced again. "He was always bigger than me." 

Sonny laughs and pulls Rafael in close, slowly kicking his feet to move himself and Rafael out farther in the water. Rafael holds him around his waist and kicks his own feet to help them along. They get out to just below Sonny's shoulders, which makes it just under Rafael's nose. "Whoops," Sonny says, all false sympathy.

"You and your giraffe legs can go fuck themselves," Rafael says as he wraps his arms around Sonny's neck and wraps his legs around Sonny's waist so he's properly above water.

Sonny responds with a kiss as he slides his hands up Rafael's thighs and then maneuvers his arms so he's supporting Rafael's weight at his waist. "First time I've ever heard you say that. Usually you're pretty happy with my legs." Sonny chuckles when Rafael attempts to glare at him but fails. "I'd go into details, but, well, we're surrounded by kids."

"I dare you."

"Not a damn chance," Sonny replies, taking a few more steps back so he's floating in the water. He keeps them upright by treading water and leaning a bit into Rafael. 

"You're already turning pink," Rafael says in his ear, fingers tracing the tops of Sonny's shoulders. "Should have doused you in more sunscreen before we came into the water."

"Gimme five minutes," Sonny says, kissing lightly at Rafael's collarbone. "We'll get me fixed up after that."

"All right, but I'm not counting," Rafael replies, ducking his head so he can kiss behind Sonny's ear. 

They do make it out of the water at five minutes. Sonny loves how the water makes it so easy to hold Rafael close, but he's no fool. It's going to be much easier to have more time in the water with Rafael if he's not worried about blistering. 

"Sit," Rafael says when they get to the cabana. 

Sonny sits and eyes the fishbowl and the fruit. The fruit is slowly browning, and the fishbowl looks syrupy. "I hate to waste--"

"We won't be the first or last, here," Rafael says. "We already paid for it; the resort's not gonna cut paychecks if we don't finish too much boring fruit or a disgusting drink." 

Sonny tips his head back to smile at Rafael. Rafael returns it. "What's the lunch menu like?"

"They have sweet _maduros_ , but they cover them with powdered sugar."

Sonny scrunches up his face. "Why?"

"Goddamn, I really do love you," Rafael replies, dipping down to kiss Sonny on the forehead. "They've also got sandwiches and things." He walks to the table and brings back a menu, holding it out to Sonny. "You pick. I'll get you covered."

"You'll get me groped," Sonny mutters and laughs when Rafael immediately reaches down and pinches one of his nipples.

Sonny orders them sandwiches with side salads and Cuban beers. He leans into Rafael's hands when Rafael starts to work the sunscreen over his shoulders and hums in approval when Rafael takes a moment to massage his neck. 

"Not nearly so tight here," Rafael says, running his thumbs up behind Sonny's ears and then pressing back down the other direction. "These tendons usually fight me."

"I've had a string of very relaxing days," Sonny replies. He reaches back for Rafael's hand and pulls it around so he can kiss his knuckles. "You're probably carrying a lot less tension, too."

"I'll give you a chance to find out as soon as I finish your back."

"Awww, you're not gonna do my legs?"

"I'd have to leave the cabana just to reach all the way."

Sonny laughs and leans forward as Rafael works down his back. "You keep making jokes about my legs, I won't let you enjoy them anymore."

"Bullshit," Rafael replies, and Sonny laughs again. 

*

They eat lunch, they lounge with their books, and mid-afternoon, they get back into the water. They stand up with the line of people waiting for the waves to crash into them and let the weight of the water wash them back towards shore. Sonny gives Rafael a questioning grin when he catches Rafael watching him walk back towards the waves. 

"Like what you see?"

"It's not exactly like Daniel Craig, but I think I prefer it," Rafael replies.

Sonny leans down and kisses him, the sun and the sky and the water all beautiful but nowhere near as beautiful as the open, relaxed smile on Rafael's face. 

*

They leave the resort just as the sun starts setting. They take a cab back to the hotel, and Rafael pushes Sonny towards the shower, telling him to be quick. Sonny rinses off and does his best to get the salt out of his hair, but doesn't do more than that. He's tired from the fun and heat of the day and just wants whatever Rafael's ordering for dinner to show up quick. 

When he steps out of the shower, Rafael's standing on the balcony. He's gripping the rail, watching the sky as it turns orange and pink. Sonny slips on a pair of cotton lounge pants and walks out to him, touching his back to say hello. 

"My turn?" Rafael asks.

"You're up," Sonny agrees. 

"Food should be here in a few." Rafael looks up at Sonny, a brightness in his eyes Sonny recognizes and loves. Rafael's got something good on his mind.

"What are you thinking about?" Sonny asks. 

"I'll tell you over dinner," Rafael promises. He presses his hands to Sonny's naked ribcage. "Let's eat out here tonight."

"What if someone sees us?" 

"Fuck 'em," Rafael says. "I want to see you turn into a sunset."

Sonny kisses Rafael softly, then lets him go. He leans on the railing where Rafael had stood and looks at the view. The sky is getting richer with color, and the breeze is just starting to cool. Sonny looks down at the street, and it's full of people. People talk and walk and stop to look in shop windows. They don't look up. Sonny turns when he hears the bathroom door open. Rafael walks out with a towel around his hips. He's using another to dry his hair. He's gotten a tan today, every part of him that was in the sun glowing golden. Sonny watches the way his bicep flexes as he dries his hair and loves how he sits on the edge of the bed, as confident in a towel as in a full suit.

"What?" Rafael asks when he catches Sonny looking. 

Sonny walks over and combs his fingers through Rafael's hair, pushing it back off his face. "You look good," Sonny says. "Might need to borrow some product from me, though."

"Maybe," Rafael says. 

There's a knock on the door, and Sonny goes to answer it. It's room service, and he steps aside so the man can roll the covered tray into the room. 

Rafael thanks him quietly as he signs the check. He gestures to the cart. "Get us set up outside?" he asks. "I'll just be another minute."

"Sure," Sonny says, rolling the cart towards the balcony.

He lifts the lid on the tray and blinks in surprise. There's lobster and shrimp, a small platter of sliced mangos, papayas, and guava, and in the center of everything, an ice bucket with three bottles of champagne, two glasses tied to the front with a length of white ribbon. 

"What are we celebrating?" Sonny asks as he starts to move everything onto the balcony. 

"I'll tell you in a minute," Rafael says as he walks over wearing linen slacks and nothing else. He pulls one of the champagne bottles free. "Untie the glasses?"

Sonny pulls one side of the ribbon, and the knot comes undone easily. He holds the glasses while Rafael twists the champagne cork, then laughs when it pops out, flies straight up, and then bounces on the balcony table before rolling onto the ground between their feet. Sonny kicks it into the room while Rafael pours. 

"Well?" Sonny asks when Rafael takes the glass from his left hand and holds it up so Sonny will toast him. 

"What would you think about being in love with an immigration rights lawyer?"

Sonny beams, holding his own glass up. "Is he handsome?"

"He's not bad."

Sonny chuckles. "Is he happy?"

Rafael's face softens. He touches their champagne flutes together. "I think so."

"Does he have a plan?" 

Rafael nods. "I can explain over dinner."

Sonny nods back, the orange and pink in the sky making Rafael glow even brighter as he watches him. "Tell me everything," he says, and they take their first drink of champagne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maduros are plantains that are fried after they're reached an advanced state of ripeness (the recommendation is for the skin of the plantain to be nearly black). They're naturally sweet and pretty rich, so adding powered sugar to them (as I could see a resort doing to make them "special") sounds gross.


	12. Chapter 12

They settle across from each other at the table and eat before Rafael starts to talk. Sonny pours them both a second glass of champagne once he's taken the edge off his hunger, then leans back in his chair, glass dangling from his fingers. "Ready when you are," he says with a smile. 

Rafael finishes off a piece of shrimp and takes a drink of champagne. He leans back in his own chair, stretching his legs the tiny bit they need so he can bump ankles with Sonny. Sonny bumps back. "Cuba's an open country now, at least on paper. People should be able to leave if they want."

"Do you think that'll happen?"

Rafael shrugs. "I can't say, but I know people who will be pushing to make it happen."

Sonny thinks again of all the case law Rafael had quoted the night before. "Seems like you know a houseful of people ready to help here."

Rafael smiles softly at him. "I do. And they're good at it on this side, no question. They're good at it on the other side as well. There's a whole network. I've never been involved heavily, but I've helped where I can. You will be unsurprised to hear _Mami_ and _Abuelita_ have always been very involved."

"I would expect nothing less." Sonny takes a piece of guava off the plate and bites into it. "Why haven't you ever been heavily involved? I'm surprised your mother didn't have you collecting funds for refugees at the nearest church."

Rafael chuckles. " _Abuelita_ wouldn't let me. She was worried it would hurt my chances to be a judge."

Sonny watches Rafael's gaze fade out for a moment. He lets it happen, the grief sliding across Rafael's face isn't as dark and heavy as it has been.

"A first-generation Cuban-American upstart known for helping undocumented Cuban immigrants wasn't a hot political background to have when I was a kid," Rafael continues, glancing at the sunset before looking back at Sonny. "So, I folded pamphlets and licked envelopes until I went to college and helped monetarily and through contacts as an adult."

Sonny nods. He's gone with Rafael to the occasional fundraiser and watched him pull business cards from professional acquaintances seemingly out of thin air when Carmen mentions a particular non-profit has called or a friend of a friend is asking a favor. "But now, you want to do more?"

Rafael looks over the balcony, taking in the people still on the streets. "I've been thinking about what to do next for awhile. Long before…" he looks at Sonny and gives him a sad smile. "Being around my family here and remembering where the fight starts for them, seeing the glitter on that resort against Mariah making eight pesos a day--which isn't a bad wage here, but eight pesos a day when the cost of immigration runs into thousands of American dollars even if you pursue it legally…" Rafael sips his champagne. "And to try for even the idea of something better, people get in boats and hope they don't drown on the way to the coast. And then they hope they can find work where they won't be exploited for their labor or worse."

"Or deported or held in a detention center by ICE," Sonny adds.

"That, too."

Sonny take another bite of guava and a sip of champagne. He doesn't ask why Rafael hasn't already made the change. He knows better than most people the difficulty in changing position in a life that feels pretty good on autopilot. He takes a longer drink of champagne, pausing for a moment afterward to look at Rafael's face in the glow of the sunset before he asks, "Do you think you could be in love with a lawyer?"

"I've been in love with a lawyer for a long time," Rafael replies. "That won't change even if you're just thinking out loud."

"There's a lot of crossover between special victims and religious abuse," Sonny says. "Not just in the church but in other denominations. Fundamentalists are as bad as pimps, telling women and children they love them then while shaming them and abusing them and hiding information they need to make real decisions for what they want in life."

"You've been thinking a long time, too?"

Sonny can't help his chuckle. The warm way Rafael's looking at him makes him feel safe to say these things aloud. "Yeah. Some. But, then I look at the squad and the people who come in needing our help, and I get caught trying to decide which one is the better option for me long-term."

"You don't have to pivot with me on this, Sonny. I put myself into a position where I did something reckless and morally questionable because when I self-sabotage, I go big. But you've got good standing in the department and the squad loves you, and I don't think you're feeling as bleak as I've been."

"Some days..." Sonny says and tips back his head to look at the sky. "I don't want to scrape by anymore, Rafael. Not after the last few days reminding me how happy we are together when we're not grinding our teeth to get by. Especially not after today. I know vacation-happy isn't the same as everyday-happy, but I don't need to be vacation-happy all the time." Sonny drops his chin so he's looking at Rafael again. "It's not all bad days on the job. But it's wearing on me. I know it. You know it. I've got an exit that'll let me help people in a way that I think could bring help to more people more quickly than chasing after Pattern 37 or Frat Rapist Chad."

"By going toe-to-toe with Fundamentalist Christians and the FLDS?"

"And whatever other groups are doing this sort of shit to their kids and their wives in the name of faith." 

Rafael pours himself another glass of champagne. Sonny watches him think through what he's just said. "An immigration lawyer and a religious abuses lawyer in the same house doesn't sound much less stressful than a DA and a detective."

"But?" Sonny asks because he can see the way Rafael's trying not to smile. 

"But if tilting at different windmills is what we both need, I suppose we're both in love with idiot lawyers."

Sonny stands up and pulls Rafael to his feet. He kisses him and pulls him in for a hug. "I don't think I'm completely done with SVU, at least not for a couple of months. I don't want to leave them in a lurch by coming off vacation and putting in my two weeks'."

"Understandable," Rafael says, head on Sonny's shoulder.

"But I'll do what I can to not put it off." Sonny kisses Rafael's hair. "I'll try to catch up to your new start, okay?"

"It's not a race," Rafael replies, lifting his head so he can see Sonny's face. "Just stay next to me, okay?"

"Where would I go?" Sonny asks and isn't surprised to see tears shine in Rafael's eyes. He's got tears in his own eyes, too. "I could never not love you." 

"I could never not love you," Rafael replies. 

Sonny cries first, and he doesn't care. The happiness he's feeling, the sense of hope of a plan that will take them both to a new phase with a brighter feeling of what they want, it's so much that all he can do is let the tears fall and laugh when Rafael starts to cry with him. 

They settle back into their seats a few minutes later, finishing their food, lazing over the other two bottles of champagne. They barely talk, and they barely touch, but Sonny feels like Rafael's living right under his skin and from the contented looks Rafael gives him as the sun finishes setting, he knows Rafael feels the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's with all this plot sneaking up in here? Anyway, yes, I have many thoughts about Sonny being a lawyer.


	13. Chapter 13

The next few days pass in a relaxed, lazy song. They get up as late as they can possibly pull it off (8:30 is the record, and they'll take it). They eat in the hotel room. Rafael makes certain Sonny is properly layered in sunscreen, and they leave the room. 

They go to the bank so Rafael can take out money. It's always the same bank as the first time. Sonny knows Rafael makes himself a repeat customer to prove to the authorities that he has nothing to hide, but it's also a fuck you move that makes Sonny have to hold back his smile as they enter and exit. 

Rafael shows him other street markets, and Sonny happily loses himself for whole mornings as he chats with artists and food vendors. He's complimented on his Spanish more than once and only realizes after the third time he's said, "I learned it from my boyfriend," that he may be putting Rafael in danger. 

Except that the people running the stalls have all smiled and replied with some variation of "He's taught you well." 

Sonny edits himself after that to "my friend taught me," just to be safe, but he holds close to the acceptance given to him by the vendors he spoke to in the first place.

"A regime is never a real view of its people," Rafael tells him when Sonny relates the story over dinner in their room. "Whoever may think the worst of us here, they're not always the ones who spend their days experiencing other cultures across monetary lines."

"But they might be," Sonny replies. "I'm sure seeing enough of the worst versions of the American tourists has led to some incorrect-but-understandable views of Americans."

Rather than agree, Rafael takes a long drink of his beer. "I'm going to suck your dick under the table while you finish dinner," he says. 

Sonny doesn't actually finish his dinner, but that wasn't the point in the first place. 

*

Sonny wakes up on their seventh day in Cuba to Rafael nuzzling his inner thighs. "Good morning," he murmurs. He shivers involuntarily when Rafael bites lightly just above his knee.

"We have to see my family today," Rafael says and bites just above the other knee.

"I like your family," Sonny replies as he opens his legs. "But maybe I don't like them quite enough." He gasps when Rafael chuckles against his balls.

Rafael sucks his balls, then licks up his dick. He sucks the head into his mouth and works it over the ridges on his soft palette as Sonny gasps and moans. 

Sonny hisses between his teeth and digs his fingers into Rafael's shoulders. Rafael responds by rubbing Sonny's asshole with two slick fingers. "Fuck." Sonny tries to maneuver himself onto Rafael's fingers, but Rafael doesn't let him win. "SHIT." Sonny grunts when Rafael takes his hand away completely.

Rafael pulls his mouth off Sonny's dick. "Relax," he says. "We've got plenty of time."

Sonny whines in the back of his throat and drops against the mattress. Rafael nuzzles his navel and presses his fingers against Sonny's hole again. "Both of them," Sonny whispers. He shudders when Rafael presses just enough he can almost feel his body open up. "Please. Please. Both of them."

Rafael lifts his head from where he's kissing Sonny's stomach. His eyes are soft and loving and full of promise. "If that's what you want."

Sonny can't speak, too caught up in the look on Rafael's face. He lifts his hips instead, just enough to press back against Rafael's fingers. 

"Breathe," Rafael says.

Sonny takes in a deep breath and releases it. He's expecting Rafael to push his fingers into him on his exhale, but he still grips hard at the sheets. It's not from pain; it's the feeling of Rafael barely letting his fingers inside, making Sonny settle into the initial stretch for a few moments before pushing in a tiny bit more. And then a little bit more. 

By the time Rafael's got his fingers buried in Sonny, Sonny's thrusting sloppily to get more friction. In his ass or on his dick, he doesn't care. He just wants more. 

Rafael licks up Sonny's dick and presses his lips to the head. He doesn't open his mouth, just kisses very softly at the flared edge of Sonny's glans and very, very slowly starts to finger fuck him. 

Sonny opens his mouth to tell Rafael to get the fuck on with it, but all that comes out is a moan. He feels the intensity in the room like a sudden rainstorm. His skin prickles in a thousand places, and he's outside his thoughts, consumed by the rushing sound of his blood in his ears and the hard thump of his heart.

Rafael presses hard on his prostate at the same time he sucks Sonny's dick into his mouth, and Sonny comes off the bed, so close to coming he can't even make a noise. He scrambles for connection--any extra bit of Rafael he can find--and he ends up cupping Rafael's jaw in his hand, his thumb pressing just on the edge of Rafael's mouth. 

Rafael goes back to fingering him, but on every thrust, he stops for a moment to massage Sonny's prostate. He doesn't let up on the blowjob, breathing harshly through his nose as he keeps a brutal pace and drools all over Sonny's dick. 

Sonny's so close he doesn't realize he's coming until he's halfway through it. His legs go limp without any effort, and he finds himself flat on his back and dazed as Rafael finishes him off. As soon as Rafael has pulled his fingers free, Sonny's hauling him up and reaching to provide at least something vaguely as perfect as he'd just gotten. 

"I'm okay," Rafael says, a laugh in his voice as he tips Sonny's jaw back and kisses him. "Woke up before you and took care of it myself so I could focus completely on you." He sucks Sonny's lower lip lightly. "Seems like it worked."

Sonny still can't form words. He places sloppy kisses on Rafael's cheek and in his hair. He pulls Rafael as close as he can get him and mouths at his shoulder as his body gets back into touch with the rest of him and he can do more than pet and nuzzle Rafael on instinct. "Fuck," is the first word he says.

Rafael chuckles and pushes Sonny's hair out of his eyes. "Good morning."

That snaps Sonny out of his haze. He laughs and cups the back of Rafael's head and kisses him breathless. "Good fucking morning," he says. 

They lie together in the middle of the bed for the next half hour. They don't talk. They just hold one another and doze a bit. When Rafael's phone chimes, then chimes again, Sonny's the one who flops out his arm to find it on the bedside table. He taps in Rafael's code and reads the messages. "We're being told to not even think about ordering breakfast."

"Expected," Rafael replies.

"And we are absolutely to bring our laundry," Sonny adds, smiling at the second message.

"We'll be there the whole day," Rafael says, taking his phone when Sonny holds it out. 

"I've been looking forward to it," Sonny replies, curling against Rafael again. "Not that I've had any problem being with just you these last few days."

"I know," Rafael says. He kisses Sonny on the forehead and turns back to his phone. "I'm glad you like my family."

"They're easy to like." Sonny spends a few more minutes lazing against Rafael before he finally makes himself move. He pushes himself into a sitting position and stretches. When Rafael rolls and nips at his hip, he laughs and rolls away until he's sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm gonna shower," he says. "I'm happy to wait until we're there to get breakfast, but coffee doesn't count, right?"

"Absolutely not," Rafael replies. "I'll call down."

"Thanks." Sonny turns his head so Rafael can kiss him one more time before he stands up. "I'll get our laundry and the gifts packed up while you shower, okay? Stay in bed a little longer."

Rafael shakes his head. "I was taking care of _you_ if you recall."

"Oh, I recall," Sonny replies. "Trust me on that."

Rafael chuckles and reaches for the room phone. "Get in the shower. Your hair isn't gonna tame itself."

Sonny steals one more kiss then stands. He's surprised his legs aren't still shaky from his orgasm, even if it has been close to forty-five minutes. He glances over his shoulder, and Rafael's on the phone, the sun lighting him up from behind. Sonny stares for a few moments, memorizing the way the sun diffuses around Rafael's shape. When he's certain he'll never forget it, he walks into the bathroom and starts the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near-ish, I think. Don't quite know how many more chapters to go, but from a story perspective, things are working towards a close.


	14. Chapter 14

The house is as full as ever when they arrive. "I thought maybe everyone would be at work," Sonny says to Rafael.

"Not a chance if I'm here to visit," Rafael replies with a smile.

A group of male relatives are crowded on the porch, Ernesto sitting in a chair with a towel around his neck while another man works a pair of clippers over his head. "Rafael!" Ernesto shouts as though Rafael is not five feet away. "Get over here and get a trim! You look shaggy!"

Rafael cuts a glance to Sonny. Sonny holds out his hand for the bag of gifts Rafael is carrying. "Give those here."

"Thanks," Rafael says.

Sonny chuckles at the way the men cheer when Rafael walks into their group. He leaves them to it as he walks into the house. _Tio_ Alian is seated in the front room. He has his feet on an ottoman and a pocket knife in one hand. He is carving something from a piece of wood. 

"Good morning," Alian says, giving Sonny a nod and a small smile. "There is breakfast in the kitchen. I am sure whoever is there will help you hand out what you've brought us."

"Thank you," Sonny replies, returning the nod. He walks into the kitchen and Louisa immediately takes the bags of gifts and pushes him towards a chair in the adjoining dining space. "What about--" is as far as Sonny gets before Dora seems to materialize out of thin air and heft the laundry like it weighs nothing. "I can--"

"Don't even try," Louisa says with a smile. "Dora will put you through the wringer if you try and help."

"But it's my laundry."

"Not in this house it isn't," Louisa replies. "If you're very polite, she might let you help her hang it on the line."

Sonny chuckles and holds up his hands in surrender. "Whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be fine."

Louisa gives him a sharp nod and starts to unpack the bags. "If you'd like coffee--"

<"I will get it,"> Dora says as she walks back into the room. She pours the coffee and brings it to the table along with a thick-cut slice of toasted bread covered in butter. She sets a small container of milk next to Sonny's cup. She walks away and returns with a plate of sliced fruit. <"Do you take sugar in your coffee?"> she asks.

<"No,"> Sonny replies, which isn't strictly true, but he doesn't add it when he's drinking Cuban-style. He pours the milk into his coffee and gives Dora a smile when she brings him a spoon to stir. He sips the coffee and sighs in pleasure. It's not scalding hot, and it tastes rich and dark. The milk has mellowed it perfectly. <"This is very good,"> he tells Dora, and he's again reminded of his Nonna when she ducks her chin to smile. 

He breaks off a piece of the bread and dunks it in his cup. Dora's eyes light up in surprise. <"I did not know Americans ate their bread like that.">

<"Rafael taught me,"> Sonny replies. 'Taught' isn't quite the right word, but it's the closest Sonny has. Rafael, as unquestionably American as he is, still dips his toast in his coffee if they're at home. He'd learned it from his _Abuelita_ , Sonny had discovered. It was one of the first things Sonny had learned about Rafael's grandmother, and he's always held the memory close. 

He chews his coffee-soaked toast and gives Dora a nod when she gets a questioning look on her face. <"It's very good.">

Dora walks back into the kitchen without a word. Sonny glances at Louisa, who's biting back a smile as she goes through the gifts. "Did I pass?" he asks in a stage whisper.

Louisa chuckles. "More than that," she replies in an actual whisper. "She's been wondering on and off since you were over for dinner if you really thought the food was good. She was worried the rabbit was dry."

"It was perfect," Sonny says. "Some of the best I've ever had. My grandfather on my dad's side hunted rabbit year round. It reminded me of his."

"I think if you told Dora that, she'd fall over." Louisa looks up from where she's refolding the t-shirts Rafael had bought at the market. "How did your grandfather hunt rabbit all the time? There are hunting seasons in America."

"Staten Island had a lot of open space when my grandparents immigrated. They lived near the edge of a neighborhood, and my grandpa and a couple other men would shoot off their back porches. He had to stop doing it because the land behind his house got developed in the eighties."

"I always think of New York City as very full," Louisa says.

"Well, it definitely is now," Sonny replies. He dips his toast, then sips his coffee. He watches Louisa's face light up when she finds the stack of books Rafael had giddily gathered in his arms at a vendor. "Rafael said you'd like those."

"Oh, yes." Louisa strokes the spines of the books and lays the stack carefully on the table. "I don't get much time to search the markets for books for my students. I mentioned some titles to Rafael the last time you were here for dinner, and it looks like he found all of them."

"I suppose we got lucky," Sonny replies, realizing now why Rafael had been so intent to look through every book stall they came across. Given that Rafael treated the bookstore at home with as much dedication, he hadn't thought to ask. 

"Did you enjoy the markets?" 

Sonny smiles. "I did. I think we'll go to a few more before we leave. We've got another week, and I like being in the crowd."

"What else have you done since we saw you?"

"Some swimming. Mostly relaxing," Sonny answers as he finishes his toast. He plucks a pineapple slice from the little plate of fruit and looks around for a napkin.

"I'll get it," Louisa says and walks into the kitchen.

Sonny's licking pineapple juice off his wrist when Carlita walks in the backdoor with a large basket balanced on her hip. She laughs when she spots Sonny. "I assume Rafael is nearby," she says.

"Left him on the porch for a haircut," Sonny replies. Louisa walks back into the room and hands him a small towel.

"He is very shaggy," Carlita says. "For him, at least."

"It reminds me of when he was younger," Louisa says. "Though his beard comes in much more nicely now."

Carlita laughs. "His first beard." She shakes her head and smiles at Sonny. "I'll try to find pictures. He and Ernesto were trying to grow them at the same time. Ernesto's came in evenly, but Rafael…" she chuckles. 

"Very patchy," Louisa says. "But he was so proud."

"How old was he?" Sonny asks.

Carlita looks up at the ceiling, clearly counting back. "Seventeen, I think? No. Eighteen. He spent part of the summer here before college."

There's a sudden rush of noise from the front of the house, and then three teenagers come spilling into the dining space. One is holding the fake parrot Sonny and Rafael had left in their care. The second one has a small switch box. The third has nothing in his hands and waves them to get Sonny's attention like he's trying to spot them in a crowded room. Sonny realizes he doesn't know their names.

"It's not ready," the female cousin says as she places the parrot upright on the table across from Sonny, "but it is a good prototype."

"Rafael laughed," the boy with the switch box says. 

The female cousin pulls an electrical cord out from under the parrot and hands it off to the boy who has nothing in his hands. He crouches down to plug it in. "We're still adding phrases," the female cousin says. "We found a Google Home--"

The two male cousins hurriedly shush her. She glances at Louisa. Louisa smiles fondly and says to Sonny, "The boys are concerned you might want to know how they got a Google Home."

"I wasn't going to ask," Sonny replies, though he wonders exactly how much they'd had to pay for it. He makes a mental note to check with Rafael and make sure the kids get their money back. "But I think you knew that," he says to the girl. 

She shrugs. "Whatever. You're American. I don't care." 

Sonny laughs. "Fair enough."

"Anyway," the girl says and gives the boys a long-suffering look for interrupting her, "as I was saying, it's only a prototype, but we programmed a few things for it to say, and its wings and head move when it talks." She nods to the boy with the switch box. He presses a couple of buttons, and the parrot flaps its wings and rolls its head back and forth. 

"Very nice," Sonny says.

"Ask it what day it is," the girl instructs. "You have to call it _pájaro monstruo_ to wake it up, but in English."

Sonny grins. "Okay. Monster bird, what day is it?"

The parrot's wings flap again, and its eyes glow red. "Thursday," the robotic voice states. The parrot's head swivels to the left and right. "Tonight, I will take your eyes."

Sonny applauds. "Oh, very nice. This is great!"

"We're still working on phrases for it to say," the girl tells him. "He also threatens to eat your liver and peck on your toes."

"You can set him up as a motion sensor," the boy without the switchbox adds, face lighting up. Sonny has no question whose idea that was. "And you can choose which hours it'll react to people."

Sonny laughs. Fin will love that, he thinks. Anything to scare the absolute hell out of Munch in the middle of the night. "I love it."

"We're writing this all down, too," says the boy with the switchbox.

"You're doing great," Sonny tells the three of them, and they all beam. "I really appreciate this. I know my friend with love it."

"Great!" The girl points towards the floor, and the boy without the switchbox ducks down to unplug the parrot. "We're going to get back to work," she says with the very serious nature of a teenager who has decided she's in charge. 

"Have fun," Sonny says as they run out of the room. He looks at Louisa, who has watched the whole thing with quiet fondness. "I have to be honest," Sonny says, "I have no idea what their names are."

Louisa laughs. "Amrita is the one in charge, even though she is younger than Arlo, who was working the switches. The other is Cordaro. He looks older than Amrita, but he is the youngest."

"Whose kids are they?" Sonny is surprised when Louisa looks sad for a moment. "I'm sorry. I don't--"

"It's okay," Louisa says, waving away his concern. "Their parents...aren't with us anymore. They were friends of mine, and when they…" Louisa pauses and stares at the wall for a moment. "They've been gone since 2010," she finally says. "Cordaro was only four. Amrita was five, and Arlo had just turned seven. They were staying with us at the time, and Dora took them into her home after. She went through something similar herself."

"Her parents?" Sonny guesses.

"Everyone," Louisa replies. "Dora was the youngest in a family with six children. She had been a surprise. Her mother thought she couldn't have children anymore. _Tio_ Alian's father brought her home and made her part of the family, but she was twelve and has never recovered, really. She refused to marry and found work to live on her own as soon as she could. Not that anyone would have kicked her out."

Sonny doesn't know what to say. He crosses himself without thinking, and Louisa gives him a small, sad smile. 

"We assumed she would always stay alone, but then the children were without parents. _Tio_ Alian went and asked questions and found out a white man who worked with their parents had named them as radicals."

"Oh," Sonny says.

"The same had happened to her own family. A white man who said he would protect them listed their names instead. At the time, if you were a known associate of someone who was known to agitate, you were rounded up with them. Her siblings were all adults. They had their own children. The authorities took them all. Dora escaped because she simply wasn't home, and _Tio_ Alian's father was able to find her before the authorities did."

Sonny shakes his head, not in disbelief, but for something to do. "Why are you telling me this?" He holds up his hands, "Not that I don't care--"

"I know," Louisa replies, the small, sad smile on her face turning somewhat cheerful. "Rafael would not bring someone to meet us who would not care about us. I told you because Dora asked if I would."

"Why?"

"She likes you very much. She says you have a kind face."

"That's not much to share a story like that," Sonny replies.

Louisa places her hands on the piles of gifts on the table. T-shirts and books and shoes. Pens and notepads and dried goods. "For all her wariness of Rafael's American ways, she loves him very much. He is the only person who has ever called her _Tia_ , though he stopped as soon as she asked him to. She has never wanted to answer to it since she lost everyone."

Sonny's heart aches. He wants to find Dora and offer words of comfort or a prayer, but he doesn't want to overstep. Sonny remembers, yet again, his nonna, and the way she'd held herself so tightly after his nonno had passed away. It was impossible to offer her comfort directly. She was simply too deep in her grief. Sonny can't imagine the weight of carrying that sort of grief for every single person you loved, gone all at once. 

"If you think she would be okay with it," Sonny says slowly, "please tell her I'm thankful she shared with me."

Louisa nods. "I will," she says. She waves a hand in front of her eyes, no doubt to dry unfallen tears. "But for now, why don't you come with me and help me put things away? We'll see how Rafael's haircut is going."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a purge of suspected radicals in Cuba in 2009. Given that these sort of actions rarely go off all at once, I thought it was possible it went into 2010. The information I could find focused heavily on expats who moved to Cuba, but I have no doubt some native Cubans were rounded up as well. 
> 
> FYI: Dora's story is gonna get sadder. Just preparing you for the next chapter. 
> 
> And that final chapter designation (20) is a best guess that could change. But I can say I can see the end of the story at this point.
> 
> (I don't love where this chapter cuts off, but I'd rather keep the next chapter its own, so I picked a mostly not-awkward spot.)


	15. Chapter 15

Sonny finishes the last of his coffee and follows Louisa through the house. They put away the gifts, and Louisa gets called away by someone walking in the front door. Sonny glances out and sees Rafael surrounded by a half-circle of men. Someone's in the chair getting clipped, but it doesn't look like Rafael's had his turn yet. Sonny walks towards the back of the house, towards the garden he's spotted through the windows a few times. When he steps into the backyard, he realizes Dora is there, tucked away in a corner and working the hand-wringing washing machine. 

"Good morning," Sonny says quietly. Loud enough to carry but hopefully not so loud to startle her.

Dora looks over and gives him a smile. <"Do you need more to eat?">

<"No, thank you,"> Sonny replies. <"I was just curious about the garden."> He looks at it. It takes up a quarter of the surprisingly large backyard. He recognizes the tops of carrots and potatoes and counts tomato vines to try and guess how many they might yield when they're ripe. There are onions and a shrub that Sonny thinks is cassava. He turns to ask Dora and finds she's come up quietly behind him, still a few feet away and off to one side. <"Do you tend the garden?"> Sonny asks. <"Or is there one at your own house?">

<"That is my house,"> Dora says, pointing to a house two doors over. <"Carlita tends the garden here. The children care for it at my house."> She looks at Sonny, and he sees that she can see that he knows her story. Her face shifts into a weary sadness. <"It is nice to have the children,"> she says. <"Do you have any?">

<"No. Just nieces and nephews.">

<"You are tall. They must love to ride on your shoulders.">

Sonny smiles, thinking about Jesse's shrieking glee when she gets to ride and the somber way Noah gives him directions while resting his hands on the top of Sonny's head. <"They do.">

Dora nods and looks at the garden. <"If you ever have children,"> she says very slowly, staring at the tomato trellises, <"do not hide the truth from them.">

Sonny's instincts flare up hard. He watches Dora, but she continues to look at the tomato plant. He doesn't attempt to meet her eyes, but he doesn't look away from her. <"The truth?"> he asks quietly.

Dora nods. <"About that baby.">

Sonny's hands clench at his sides. He doesn't ask what she means. The way she continues to stare at the plants tells him she knows exactly what she's talking about. He has to swallow a few times before he can speak. <"Does everyone know?">

<"No."> Dora does look at him then. There's kindness in her eyes, but she still looks deeply sad. <"Lucia told me.">

<"Why?">

<"Because I understand it.">

<"You understand it?">

Dora looks at the garden again. <"I had three nieces when they came and took my family away. One was very little. A man hit her on the head with something heavy. They left her alone in the house. Alian's father went with me to the house after dark to get my things. We found here. She was on the floor. She looked like she was sleeping, but she had a large bruise on her head. I pinched her toes to try and wake her. My mother woke us that way. It wasn't a hard pinch, just a surprise.">

Sonny looks down as Dora reaches out her arm. She pinches him. It's soft, absolutely no harm done. 

<"You see? Hardly anything at all. But almost everything will wake a baby. She did not wake up. She was still breathing, but she did not wake up. Alian's father tried to wake her as well, but nothing he tried worked. I had seen this sort of thing before. We had friends who were hit on the head and would not wake up, but they would still breathe. I knew what it meant. I was young, but I knew what it meant.">

She looks away from the garden and up at the sky. <"There was nothing to unplug. I held her close, and I covered her nose and mouth. Her soul had already gone, but I could not be impersonal about it. She was my niece. She deserved to be held even if she did not know who I was. I knew who she was.">

Dora looks at Sonny. Her eyes are dry, but there's pain through every line of her body. <"I would never do it again, but I do not regret it. Do you understand? Alian's father offered, but my niece had always cried in his arms. I knew her soul was gone, but I wanted her to go in peace. And so I made it happen.">

Sonny holds her gaze, uncertain what to do. <"Why are you telling me this?">

<"Rafael does not know this story.">

<"Why tell me?">

<"He will listen if you tell it. You have stood by him through this. He will know you will not shame him. He will know you are speaking from a place of love.">

<"He would know that with you.">

A tiny smile quirks Dora's mouth. <"No, I am the non-Tia who finds him too American. I would not want him to think he is being judged.">

Sonny presses his lips together, considering everything she's told him. <"Why did you have Louisa tell me about your family?">

<"You have a kind face,"> Dora says. <"And there are only so many sad stories I want to tell to a face likes yours. I could not explain both things myself, so I asked Louisa to please explain the one that would allow me to explain this.">

<"Does Louisa know about your niece?">

<"No. Rafael's grandmother knew. She comforted me when I cried over it. She wrote it in her diary. When she passed, Lucia gathered all her diaries and read them. She called me and asked me what she should do when she heard about Rafael and the baby. I told her she could only do what felt right in her heart.">

<"Lucia's told him he did the right thing.">

Dora nods sharply. <"Then I have done what I can.">

Sonny reaches out his hand, stopping before touching Dora. <"I don't know that I'll tell him,"> he says. 

<"It is there if you feel he needs it,"> Dora replies. She grasps his hand tightly for a moment. When she lets go, she studies him for a few more seconds before turning and walking back to the laundry. 

Sonny watches her set up another shirt to run through the wringer. He walks back into the house and pauses just over the threshold to the dining area, unsure what to do with himself. 

Rafael finds him like that and cocks his head when he smiles. "You look lost. The house isn't that big."

Sonny returns the smile, letting everything Dora's told him settle quietly in the back of his mind. "Looks like you got your turn in the chair."

Rafael pushes his hair off his scalp with one hand. It's still long on the top, but underneath, the sides have been buzzed. "You like it?"

Sonny rubs his knuckles against the peach fuzz of Rafael's scalp. "It looks good."

"They're still out there if you want a trim."

Sonny runs his fingers through his hair. It's unstyled as it has been for most of their vacation so far. "Promise you won't tell them to shave a bad word in the back of my head."

"I promise nothing if they out-vote me," Rafael replies. He turns and leads the way through the house to the porch. The crowd of people around the chair has grown, and they cheer when Rafael tells them Sonny would like a turn.

"We'll have you looking so good, even Cuban women will find you attractive," says the man with the clippers.

There's a raucous chorus of agreement in Spanish and English, and Sonny sits down with a laugh. Rafael leans against the house next to him, arms crossed comfortably as he teases the man with the clippers about making sure he cuts a straight line. 

"You be quiet, or I'll really show your friend my skills," the cousin replies, pointing to another man who has an intricate curved pattern shaved into the short hair at the nape of his neck.

"Absolutely not," Rafael says to Sonny before Sonny can say he thinks that looks amazing. "The lieutenant would kick my ass."

"Is the lieutenant a hard man?" asks someone.

"The lieutenant's a woman," Rafael replies, "And you should live in fear of that."

"I'm Cuban!" someone else says. "I fear no woman!"

"Excuse you," Carlita says quietly as she sticks her head out of the front door. "Who is the brave one who does not fear women?" She laughs when everyone loudly insists she misheard. "As I thought. Who would like coffee, and who will carry it?"

A few of the men break off to help Carlita. The man with the clippers taps a finger under Sonny's chin, and Sonny tips his head back so he can get to work. He closes his eyes when the clippers buzz to life and drinks in the relative quiet of the people speaking softly around him. He uses the time taken for his trim to further settle everything in his mind, to consider if and when he might tell Rafael what Dora's told him. By the time his trim is over and he opens his eyes, the men and Carlita are coming out of the house with fresh coffee, and Sonny is enveloped into conversation as easy and natural as if he's always been part a neighbor or a friend. Rafael leans against him lightly, an extra spot of warmth as the day heats up, and Sonny is so glad they have the whole day here together.


	16. Chapter 16

The crowd changes throughout the morning. Some people leave and some show up. Sonny's introduced to small groups of people as they come and go. They're neighbors and friends and some are distant relatives who haven't been around for the previous dinners. Carlita knows almost everyone's names, and many of them tell stories of when Rafael's visited before. 

"He's only ever come with Lucia, or alone," says one man, his smile benign, but a shrewdness in his eyes that Sonny knows not to underestimate. "And now, suddenly, you are here."

"Yeah, it's been great," Sonny says as guilelessly as possible. "It's such a beautiful place, and everyone's been really nice."

The man nods slowly. "Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay."

"Thanks," Sonny says. 

The man walks away, glancing over his shoulder once like he's expecting Sonny to suddenly disappear. Sonny gives him his widest smile. 

"Not a bad cover," Rafael says quietly from beside him. "It's rare you get to play Stupid American."

"It's fun, actually," Sonny replies, turning so his back is blocking Rafael from view. "Where'd Carlita go? I should ask who that guy is."

"She's inside prepping lunch." Rafael touches Sonny's arm before Sonny can walk towards the house. "No helping today. I want to show you something."

Sonny turns back to Rafael. "Lead the way."

Rafael gestures to the left, and Sonny falls into step next to him. They walk a few steps, and Rafael points to a small alley between two houses. "Ernesto and I made that our clubhouse," he says. "We found some tree branches and jammed them against the houses on either side to make a wall. We left just enough space at the bottom that we could crawl under on our bellies and get behind it."

"Did you let Louisa in?"

"She was just older enough than us she thought we were childish, but after a storm knocked all the branches down, she helped us find more."

Sonny grins, thinking of Teresa and Gina. "What'd you do in the clubhouse?"

"I don't remember," Rafael replies. He pauses at the corner and looks around. "Talked, I'm sure. Plotted jokes." He points to a large pothole in the dirt road. "That's been here as long as I can remember. It fills up when it rains. We used to build paper boats and float them across." Rafael chuckles. "There was a boy named Silvio who lived somewhere around here. If he saw us playing, he'd come over and stomp in the water."

"Bully?" Sonny asks.

"Not really. He'd stomp in the water and splash us, but then we'd chase him down the street and end up doing something together." Rafael turns them right and smiles at a drooping banana tree. "We'd come here and sneak bananas. I didn't know for years that _Tio_ Alian knew the woman who lived here, and she'd told him he was welcome to take whatever he wanted." 

"So much for your life of crime."

Rafael walks up to the tree and inspects the fruit. "She lived alone, I remember. She was older when I was a kid, even older than _Tio_ Alian. She lived a long time. I was in law school before we heard she'd died."

"Was she nice?" Sonny asks.

"I never talked to her. She wasn't scary to us, I remember." Rafael looks around and gestures towards an empty house. "The people who lived there were the scary ones. They were probably perfectly fine, but Louisa used to tell Ernesto and me stories about how they would scream and yell and would steal naughty boys to lock in their house."

Sonny laughs, remembering similar stories his sisters and cousins used to tell him and Bella to make them behave. "We had a neighborhood witch, too. Mrs. Russo. All the kids thought she'd curse us if we walked on her lawn. Ma used to get onto me and Bella for being scared of her, but we wouldn't ever go over to see her. We were sure she was hexing Ma every time she went to drop off a casserole or just say hello."

"Did you ever find out her story?"

"She was old with bad hips and bad knees. She'd been widowed young and didn't have any kids to help her, and she didn't want to move into a home, so Ma and a few of the other ladies in the neighborhood took turns making sure she was doing all right. They kept her fed and kept her company and got her to Mass."

"What happened to her?"

"She fell one day when I was twelve or thirteen. By then, I knew she wasn't scary or a witch, so I'd started visiting her with Ma. The doctors said her bones were so brittle, they didn't know if she fell when she broke her hip or if her hip broke and she fell. She passed away in the hospital."

"They'd have put her in a home after, one way or another," Rafael says quietly, and Sonny knows he's thinking about his _abuelita_. He doesn't say anything, just waits out the moment of silence Rafael still needs. 

"There," Rafael says after a moment, pointing to an empty lot. "That's where I learned to play baseball."

"You're terrible at baseball."

"I didn't say I learned to play well." Rafael looks up and down the street, then up at Sonny. "Cuba wasn't safe for a lot of reasons when I was growing up, but it felt a lot safer than home. My father rarely came with us to visit. He'd complain he had to work extra while we were gone just to pay for the money we'd spend. That was bullshit. The money to come visit came from here. And always _Mami's_ family. We'd spend an afternoon with my father's family because _Mami_ said it was polite, but we barely knew them. 

"My father immigrated with his parents and his siblings. I think, when _Mami_ met him, she thought he understood what she'd gone through, having to leave family behind, but he never cared. He complained she visited too much. He yelled at her that she should be more American. I remember she yelled back once that thinking for herself _was_ American."

Sonny doesn't ask what happened next. He knows from everything else Rafael's told him. No doubt Lucia was hit. No doubt Rafael heard--if not saw--the whole thing. 

"I loved coming here," Rafael says, his voice quieter. He hasn't looked away from Sonny. "I learned young why people left and why it was dangerous to stay, but it was different from home. _Mami_ wasn't scared here like she was at home. I wasn't scared here. Coming here was a respite. It let me recalibrate my idea of the world for a little while." 

Rafael looks across the street at a blue stucco house. "It's different this time. It's been different for a long time, but this time…" Rafael runs a hand over his beard and looks back at Sonny. "You always have stories about your childhood, and I know I don't tell as many. So, I wanted to tell you a few. I spent a long time trying not to think about Cuba when I was back in the city, but I don't have to hold it back now. There's no one who's going to get angry at me for mentioning it. You'll get to remember with me."

Sonny swallows hard, nearly in tears. "Oh, Rafael," he murmurs, trying to put as much love and amazement he has for this man into those words. He shakes his head and feels a giddy laugh rolling up. "Of course you had to say something that romantic in the middle of a street where I can't kiss you."

Rafael laughs, throwing his head back. He collapses into Sonny, throwing a loose arm around his waist and turning them back towards the house. Sonny hooks an arm around his shoulders and laughs with him, though more quietly. "I've got to keep you on your toes," Rafael says between chuckles as they turn the corner and spot various and sundry family and friends on _Tio_ Alian's porch. "It's no fun, otherwise."

"No, it's not," Sonny agrees, and they step into the yard as Carlita walks out of the house and hollers everyone in for lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nudged the final chapter count up because I don't think I'll be finished at 20. It's coming together, but I don't want to rush it. Updates should stay pretty regular.


End file.
